Proof Of Fat.

I was tired, but nevertheless excited to hang out at this new place my pal Jenny recommended me at TTDI. As I got into her friend’s car, she remarked, ‘We are going to a club, so do you wish to put on something better for it? You look like an auntie’. So I returned to my humble room and tried on some dresses I had not wore in a year. After selecting the most comfortable one, I sat on my bed in attempt to apply some eye shadow.

Popped! Two of the buttons of my favourite sexy semi bare back dress decided to shoot themselves off. As I cursed myself at the prospect of having to fix the minor damages, another matter came into my mind. I am really fat now! As I scoured across the room for more options in nightwear I realise the choices I had was few and far between. I wore another favourite sexy one piece; it was then I noticed bulges that were inexistent before.

The sightings of a fat Yuki have been aplenty these days. Many of my friends had commented about the fat allocation around my belly. So much so embarrassingly I had to wear a strap around my stomach sometimes. When the side of my foldable bed gave way one day I was shattered. I am having liver problems, so I do not wish to starve myself. But I am desperate to get back the 60kg frame I had before. 80kg Yuki just would not do.

I am lucky to get married to a husband that does not care if I am fat. And friends did tell me I do not need to lose weight since I am already attached for better or for worse. But I felt not striving to look good after getting married is a lame excuse. So many older married women I had met still maintain a great body even way past their 50s. So I really do not see the reason why I should not attempt to achieve it, especially with my age now.

My legs too have problems supporting my body’s weight. A walk around One Utama shopping center proved to be a hurting experience on my thighs and feet. One of my friends Pei had the same problem, she became an ally in reminding me the importance of losing my excess baggage or I would have to spend cash weekly for foot reflexology. It was a stark realization that my jogging plans rests heavily on a strong, fit pair of legs.

Exercise itself was a tormenting experience. I strutted around just four rounds around the park and ended up with tired and sore legs for four days in which I walked like a zombie. The fat just would not go away. The bulge wishes to make my stomach its home. I am increasingly frustrated with the knowledge that at my 30 plus age my metabolism is slowing down. My quest to get rid of the unwanted pounds looks increasingly impossible.

I am now tempted to go vegetarian. Since diet pills do not help and even make matters worse, I am resigned to taking extra virgin olive oil with bread for meals as my husband recommended. And in my attempt to quit smoking, I do know that statistically I am going to gain at least a few kg once cigarettes no longer control of my life. But at least drinking only two times a week helps. But my mind still ponders on how to get that slim body.

Yes, I do admit my obsession to lose weight is due my ego and my insane addiction to self-image. I had lost the opportunity to own a killer female body back in my younger days when I was tied down to being a boy. I already have a female looking face, but it is rough all over with pimple scars. My body, with its hidden feminine shape and silky smooth skin is all I have. But I hope to achieve the nice body along with my health intact.

My Mission To Quit Smoking And Lose Weight (The Beginning).

Quitting is still, in English terms, a present continuous tense (correct me if I am wrong). Yesterday, on the 25th of January 2008 at 9am, yours truly smoked her last cigarette (serious!), so this is a quit. Yep, I abused this body for a solid 7 years and more with a stick made out of paper and tobacco that burns and produces nicotine with tar, sucking it in by 20, sometimes 40 sticks a day; that my lungs sometimes refuse to absorb oxygen in. I have been preparing for this moment since the new year.

I am also trying to lose weight. I now stand at 175 cm tall, but according to my home scale, I am overweight. I am currently 78kg. I remembered a few months ago when I did my medical checkup I was more lighter then. But coming back from Australia to Malaysia, my mouth went berserk, dining on all the food that have been deprived from me. Yes, I miss Malaysian food. I miss all the Bah Kut Teh, the steaming Sweet & Sour Rice, the incomparable Chee Cheong Fun and Chow Kuey Teow.

I am now on a 6 week mission that should end on the 7th of March 2008, two weeks and two days shy of my 32nd birthday eve. In these six weeks, I would be attempting to reduce my weight to under 59kg, and not take a single cigarette until the withdrawal symptoms had passed and I do not need to smoke anymore. I will going on a protein and exercise mode to burn calories and clear out my lungs from nicotine faster. There would also be few days of starvation diet (not advisable to follow me).

I will be recording my progress here on my site. I should be doing the starvation diet intensely on Monday till Friday next week. In these five days I would not take anything but water. If I do feel very hungry I would just take drinks like Tomato juices or Milo to fill up my energy levels. Also, I would be taking only minimal food throughout the six weeks, concentrating on foods with less calories but lots of protein like tunas, eggs and chicken. I will also be taking in lots of vegetables.

There would be a chance of a small collapse in terms of the smoking, but I must stop totally exactly four weeks before 6th March 2008, in which four weeks is the period required for a person to be rid of nicotine from the body, one of the things that creates the 'urge' to smoke. I have not been drinking much, except for red wines in cafes, therefore the places that I have the habit of smoking is avoided; my strong habits to smoke in pubs should be controlled down to a more comfortable level.

Reporting how I feel right now, I am tired and facing withdrawal symptoms, I am more easily irritated then before. I feel tremendously week and sleepy. But I noticed my face looks more fresh then yesterday. I have only eaten a plate of raw sushi with just two rolls of rice and some healthy salads, with chicken rice yesterday. Today I have eaten only a plate of mee with three raw boiled eggs and this afternoon a very small portion of rice with some vegetables, beans and a fish ball.

Weight today: 77.9 kg

Body fat percentage: 35.7%

Body hydration percentage: 46.4%

Cigarettes smoked this week: unknown.

Exercises done this week: none.


I will be making presentations of progress on my mission every weekend. With SRS coming in June, it is really time to quit smoking. And for the first time in my lady self, I really am dying to get the beautiful body that I have never got before. I have been spoiled by the habits of smoking and my love for food. It is time to be healthy. As the old saying goes, you are what you eat. And I do not want to wait until it is too late for me to quit smoking. Hope I could get some progress running.