All the posts here will be maintained for future reference and reading.
Some will be reposted on Yuki's new blogsite (see link below).
Big thanks to all my friends and fans from all over the world.
For the fresh continuation of the journeys, please go to www.yukishock.blogspot.com .
Regards, Yuki Choe. : )
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Monday, July 14, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Announcements: Death Of Yuki.
I am in Thailand now, a few days shy of my SRS. This is my 100th post ironically. And this may be my last. My husband had sent an e-mail requesting my operation to be cancelled. I do not know how to feel now. Should I laugh? Should I cry? I really feel like jumping in front of my bus here and just end it at the worse. Or I may just work here as a cheap showgirl, or return back to Malaysia and cut my hair. In any other case, my life would never be the same again. Never ever.
I just say I hope he can spare me something for my lawyer fees but a simple solution like asking me to move to a cheaper area is beyond him. Instead he feels ending my life is the best one. I have my plans. I got a job waiting for me end of September. I have made arrangements to settle my financial crisis. But all these is to no avail. Now I have to go back and say I cannot work. I probably would lose my car and room. And worse, I had lost my husband at once. And I lost me.
I do not think I can bring myself to face me in the mirror anymore. So I bid all of you, farewell. To everyone, thank you for sharing my journey all alond. Take care LGBTs, wherever you are.
Update 26/6/08:
The verdict for the SRS is a postponement. As after the grace I extended to my husband is met with a heart of stone, so is our marriage. He has hurt me by throwing every excuse and reason to end our relationship. Baseless accusations of abuse, cheating, and innability to 'afford' me has placed our relationship on the grave. Even if he changes his mind today and I proceed with the SRS, I must admit that my heart is left with no more love to give him for hurting me this way.
All my plans to give my husband the ultimate bitch on Christmas eve period seems like a foolish girl's child's play now. Perhaps it is the immaturity of my imagination of wanting to fabricate such illusion that my husband would appreciate it. And with my SRS postponed, I must go back to the nightmare of starting back where I started before when I came out for good early 2006.
My fairy tale ending is gone. My prince charming will never rescue me and this transsexual female will never be secure and safe in female flesh. It is time to chart my own course of life.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Musing.
Recently I am struggling to maintain my blogs recently. There actually has been a lot of stuff to write about, but just could not find the time to write it as my commitments as writer to Ex-Gay Watch and getting myself in shape for my Sex-Reassignment Surgery. And hanging around in a cyber cafe is quite costly. Quashing some Malaysian Ex-Gay myths had been exceptionally easy especially when most of the views are too dogmatic and ridiculous to swallow by any mature thinking people. And being a lone interested writer in this issue also had its drawbacks, you get bored repeating yourself.
There is also the difficulty of interest. When the International Day Against Homophobia was announced, everywhere else in the world except Asia remembers the dead, respects the day, ponders over any chances of hate crime laws being created and passed, passionate about educating the general public about the ill-conceptions of society in regards to homosexuality and transgenderism and so forth. The PT Foundation is holding a fund-raising party this weekend for it.
Yes, PARTY. Everyone in Asia do not want to hear about the bullying, the murders, the dead. It is like the HIV/AIDS issue. The thinking here is, it is none of my business or it could never happen to me. No one here is fighting for any rights. In fact, as a single personal blog owner I was able to reach out to an audience Edmund Smith (RLM) and his sister would envy, and it is just because people are curious about me as a transsexual and interested with the scientific truths and facts I presented. Otherwise, most of this country, whether straight or gay, could not be bothered about us.
Whether on this side as a professional writer and TS advocate, or on that side an amateur unlicensed therapist and an aspiring singer; we both have an audience. And fortunately for me, my audience are intelligent enough to see through the lies and ultra-nonsensical musings of places like RLM to the point they tell me: WE KNOW! Anything new you want to share with us, like maybe Edmund is spotted cruising in a gay bar or something, then tell us! But alas, the international audience are still curious to know about the RLM's wacky world. As such, I no longer write about them in this blog.
From maintaining a blog to advocacy work to dispelling ex-gay myth, there is plenty to write about as all can see. But sometimes you just need the time. I am still having some ideas for the latest movie review on “Iron Man”, but unfortunately the movie is still on screen. As you all know from my last movie review, spoilers are really proudly on display! Then there is the edition of Yuki's Funnies. There is the Top 10 Ex-Gay Excuses On Why A Person Is Gay, which of course includes Melvin Wong's boy got sexually abused and Edmund Smith's boy got cross dressed by mother.
If only I have the time to write all these great stuff. But my SRS being just one month and a bit more away, I really do not know how. I am also struggling to finish my personal Thai lessons at home and I am not in a decent weight yet. Perhaps I should ask for some tips from my sister Grog from “The Cracked Crystal Ball II” who seems to be blogging everyday! And all her posts are so strong in content and opinions I really wonder how she did it. Another is Cracker Lilo from “Cracker Lilo's Front Porch”. She is so deep into words, and there is so much variety and content.
Perhaps the greatest one of them all I consider would be Peterson Toscano's blog “Peterson Toscano's A Musing". Please remember this fine handsome gentleman with the ability to make you laugh especially on your ex-gay struggles; travels a lot (sometimes overseas) for shows and interviews and seminars, and I believe his appointment calender is probably full. But he still finds the time to blog at least almost everyday. Unbelievable. And while I have to slowly maintain my English to respectable degree, Peterson seems to already have gift in writing as well as in speaking.
Oh, before I forget, do read his latest post “Diverse Approaches Reveal Complexity of Ex-Gay World”. It is one of my favourites, exploring just how big a fallacy ex-gay ministries are when you really take a closer look. And yes, I do still manage to find some time to read blogs. As well as you can see now I am squeezing some time to announce to you all that: Hey, I am still alive. God bless everyone. Anyway, I have to go for my dinner now. Got some things to do tomorrow morning, then in the evening I have a seminar to catch. Yep, busy lady I am. But of course, I will be back. : )
There is also the difficulty of interest. When the International Day Against Homophobia was announced, everywhere else in the world except Asia remembers the dead, respects the day, ponders over any chances of hate crime laws being created and passed, passionate about educating the general public about the ill-conceptions of society in regards to homosexuality and transgenderism and so forth. The PT Foundation is holding a fund-raising party this weekend for it.
Yes, PARTY. Everyone in Asia do not want to hear about the bullying, the murders, the dead. It is like the HIV/AIDS issue. The thinking here is, it is none of my business or it could never happen to me. No one here is fighting for any rights. In fact, as a single personal blog owner I was able to reach out to an audience Edmund Smith (RLM) and his sister would envy, and it is just because people are curious about me as a transsexual and interested with the scientific truths and facts I presented. Otherwise, most of this country, whether straight or gay, could not be bothered about us.
Whether on this side as a professional writer and TS advocate, or on that side an amateur unlicensed therapist and an aspiring singer; we both have an audience. And fortunately for me, my audience are intelligent enough to see through the lies and ultra-nonsensical musings of places like RLM to the point they tell me: WE KNOW! Anything new you want to share with us, like maybe Edmund is spotted cruising in a gay bar or something, then tell us! But alas, the international audience are still curious to know about the RLM's wacky world. As such, I no longer write about them in this blog.
From maintaining a blog to advocacy work to dispelling ex-gay myth, there is plenty to write about as all can see. But sometimes you just need the time. I am still having some ideas for the latest movie review on “Iron Man”, but unfortunately the movie is still on screen. As you all know from my last movie review, spoilers are really proudly on display! Then there is the edition of Yuki's Funnies. There is the Top 10 Ex-Gay Excuses On Why A Person Is Gay, which of course includes Melvin Wong's boy got sexually abused and Edmund Smith's boy got cross dressed by mother.
If only I have the time to write all these great stuff. But my SRS being just one month and a bit more away, I really do not know how. I am also struggling to finish my personal Thai lessons at home and I am not in a decent weight yet. Perhaps I should ask for some tips from my sister Grog from “The Cracked Crystal Ball II” who seems to be blogging everyday! And all her posts are so strong in content and opinions I really wonder how she did it. Another is Cracker Lilo from “Cracker Lilo's Front Porch”. She is so deep into words, and there is so much variety and content.
Perhaps the greatest one of them all I consider would be Peterson Toscano's blog “Peterson Toscano's A Musing". Please remember this fine handsome gentleman with the ability to make you laugh especially on your ex-gay struggles; travels a lot (sometimes overseas) for shows and interviews and seminars, and I believe his appointment calender is probably full. But he still finds the time to blog at least almost everyday. Unbelievable. And while I have to slowly maintain my English to respectable degree, Peterson seems to already have gift in writing as well as in speaking.
Oh, before I forget, do read his latest post “Diverse Approaches Reveal Complexity of Ex-Gay World”. It is one of my favourites, exploring just how big a fallacy ex-gay ministries are when you really take a closer look. And yes, I do still manage to find some time to read blogs. As well as you can see now I am squeezing some time to announce to you all that: Hey, I am still alive. God bless everyone. Anyway, I have to go for my dinner now. Got some things to do tomorrow morning, then in the evening I have a seminar to catch. Yep, busy lady I am. But of course, I will be back. : )
Monday, April 21, 2008
The Growing.
Roy Schneider had recently passed away. Back when I was just a kid I felt he was awesome. The way he battles the man-eating shark in “Jaws” / “Jaws 2” and the style when he pilots the legendary helicopter “Blue Thunder”. He was one of the few men I would love to be with when I grow up. Any girl would have the sense of security in his sensitive but strong demeanor. Any women would be proud to have this rogue, simple but intelligent reactions to circumstances as depicted in movies he was involved in. He is 75 years old this year. But the memories of his acting career lives on.
For the past few years, I had seen many people I admired all throughout the world pass away. Lydia Shum being one example, the Hong Kong actress whom I grew up with watching “It's A Mad, Mad World”. It gave me the stark realization that these figures died at an old age, all over 60. When I was watching “Blue Thunder”, Roy Schneider and Lydia Shum were only in their 50s and 40s respectively. It also made me realize how old I was then, I was barely 10. Here at the age of 32, I am coming to terms with my growing up and reaching the probable halfway mark of my life now.
When I was in my teens, Captain Steve Bruce, Mr. Reliable Denis Irwin, Bryan Robson, Andrei Kanchelskis, Brian McClair and Mark Hughes were my football idols in the super team line-up of Manchester United I supported then by the turn of the 90s. Those days they were like a set of much older brothers, hitting the ball all over the place between the old English Division One till the days of the inaugural English Premier League. I still remember how Sir Alex Ferguson nearly got sacked, how young he looked then, players he bought and players he sacked. Yes, he was young.
In the mid 90's when I reached my young adulthood, and grew up together with players my age, the five England lions; Nicky Butt, Gary and Phil Neville, David Beckham, Paul Scholes. And another a year older, Ryan Giggs. All under the tutorship of the big brother Eric Cantona. Those were an exciting period, reaching up to the peak of the Champions' League, English Premier League and FA Cup treble at 1999 before the turn of the century. I stress again, they were around my age. Those were the days of inspiration. Now all but Scholes of the England five lions remain in Manchester.
Ryan Giggs, the most decorated player in the history of the Premier League, is now toiling going to his mid thirties. And now, I am supporting kids. Yes, no kidding. From the days when Sir Alex Ferguson took over from Ron Atkinson starting 1986, I was supporting some men old enough to be my father, then grew up with those my age in the 90s. Now I am excited in the prospects of Luis Nani (22) and Ronaldo (23). If football (or soccer in the US) were to be my benchmark, then I have indeed grown 22 football years as a Manchester United supporter. And how time flies, mind you.
And suddenly it dawned to me how the years have gone by so fast. From a insecure female soul living in a boy shell, to a blossoming lady now married to a rugged but kind Australian. From sitting in an old Volkswagen beside my dad I am now driving a humble Proton Wira. From a virgin, I do not remember how many men or women I had been with. From writing for the old Malaysian post newspaper I am now writing on my own blogsite here and the international Ex-Gay Watch. From the ugly pimple faced boy who was branded gay, I am now recognized as an attractive lady.
I am no longer too shy to defend myself against verbal and physical attacks by people. I am not longer afraid of prejudice and discrimination by churches and society. I am no longer the person to be manipulated and shaped according to what people want me to be. And most importantly, in a couple of months time, I am no longer bearing the pain of having something that had caused so much suffering in my life prior to my 30s. In fact, I realized I only truly began to grow up only once I had known how to deal with Gender Identity Disorder. Result? I am a much happier person now.
Though I am sad the years gone by in which I could have done something to prevent being defined by how people viewed me, I am at least now back on the right track. It is better to wake up now then some transsexuals who are well into their 40s right? Though I am regretful to have the peak of my transition with SRS only in my 30s and not 20s, but I do know many are not as fortunate as me to be able to do it even now, and it is all thanks to my husband. I do not know what the future would bring on to me, but I have survived thus far. I guess I am ready for more of what life has to offer.
For the past few years, I had seen many people I admired all throughout the world pass away. Lydia Shum being one example, the Hong Kong actress whom I grew up with watching “It's A Mad, Mad World”. It gave me the stark realization that these figures died at an old age, all over 60. When I was watching “Blue Thunder”, Roy Schneider and Lydia Shum were only in their 50s and 40s respectively. It also made me realize how old I was then, I was barely 10. Here at the age of 32, I am coming to terms with my growing up and reaching the probable halfway mark of my life now.
When I was in my teens, Captain Steve Bruce, Mr. Reliable Denis Irwin, Bryan Robson, Andrei Kanchelskis, Brian McClair and Mark Hughes were my football idols in the super team line-up of Manchester United I supported then by the turn of the 90s. Those days they were like a set of much older brothers, hitting the ball all over the place between the old English Division One till the days of the inaugural English Premier League. I still remember how Sir Alex Ferguson nearly got sacked, how young he looked then, players he bought and players he sacked. Yes, he was young.
In the mid 90's when I reached my young adulthood, and grew up together with players my age, the five England lions; Nicky Butt, Gary and Phil Neville, David Beckham, Paul Scholes. And another a year older, Ryan Giggs. All under the tutorship of the big brother Eric Cantona. Those were an exciting period, reaching up to the peak of the Champions' League, English Premier League and FA Cup treble at 1999 before the turn of the century. I stress again, they were around my age. Those were the days of inspiration. Now all but Scholes of the England five lions remain in Manchester.
Ryan Giggs, the most decorated player in the history of the Premier League, is now toiling going to his mid thirties. And now, I am supporting kids. Yes, no kidding. From the days when Sir Alex Ferguson took over from Ron Atkinson starting 1986, I was supporting some men old enough to be my father, then grew up with those my age in the 90s. Now I am excited in the prospects of Luis Nani (22) and Ronaldo (23). If football (or soccer in the US) were to be my benchmark, then I have indeed grown 22 football years as a Manchester United supporter. And how time flies, mind you.
And suddenly it dawned to me how the years have gone by so fast. From a insecure female soul living in a boy shell, to a blossoming lady now married to a rugged but kind Australian. From sitting in an old Volkswagen beside my dad I am now driving a humble Proton Wira. From a virgin, I do not remember how many men or women I had been with. From writing for the old Malaysian post newspaper I am now writing on my own blogsite here and the international Ex-Gay Watch. From the ugly pimple faced boy who was branded gay, I am now recognized as an attractive lady.
I am no longer too shy to defend myself against verbal and physical attacks by people. I am not longer afraid of prejudice and discrimination by churches and society. I am no longer the person to be manipulated and shaped according to what people want me to be. And most importantly, in a couple of months time, I am no longer bearing the pain of having something that had caused so much suffering in my life prior to my 30s. In fact, I realized I only truly began to grow up only once I had known how to deal with Gender Identity Disorder. Result? I am a much happier person now.
Though I am sad the years gone by in which I could have done something to prevent being defined by how people viewed me, I am at least now back on the right track. It is better to wake up now then some transsexuals who are well into their 40s right? Though I am regretful to have the peak of my transition with SRS only in my 30s and not 20s, but I do know many are not as fortunate as me to be able to do it even now, and it is all thanks to my husband. I do not know what the future would bring on to me, but I have survived thus far. I guess I am ready for more of what life has to offer.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The Changes.
I had not written much lately, but yet I thank you all for still supporting my blog. Many were reading into my past articles. I guess I had really written a lot. But I am flattered that there are still some of you out there that cared about what was going on in my life. The response for my articles for Ex-Gay Watch from the Asian region is also encouraging. I apologize for not being able to share much for the past ten days; I am now in the midst of recovering from being used by a person who in the end never treated me as a sister, and reflecting on the soon upcoming changes in my life.
Losing my sister is probably one of the signs of changes in my life. Just barely two weeks ago, we were still joking around my ex-employer's office. We were still planning what to do with her wedding. One of our colleagues we were very close to was leaving, and at the last day of his work we all had a nice steamboat dinner together. I missed the second round of their party in a Karaoke centre, but being ill means I really wish I were to be home. Then barely few days later, she ran away and possibly will never come back into our lives. Suddenly, I no longer have a family here.
The knowledge that she cheated all of us was unbearable for the four of us; the fiancee, my ex-boss, our one good friend and me were unwilling victims to an illusion of an pitiful angel she created for us to see. Having loved her and cared for her unconditionally, it was disappointing for her to have used all of us. She is in the end selfish, and her decision will bear consequences for herself while we all get on with our lives. It would take some getting used to, suddenly not having someone I had treated with so much love and dignity, but I do know some friendships just do not last till old age.
I will be leaving Malaysia to Australia and stay there for an unknown period of time, perhaps years with my husband. I admitted to my husband that I found Australia unbearable because I missed Malaysia. Both have its good points and bad points, but the crux of the matter is that I am so used to the Malaysian environment. The roads, the shops, the shopping complexes and mostly the food. In my commitment to be with my husband, I am resigned to another different culture; one I hope I am able to adapt to. It would be so different, so quiet. But with a promise of a tolerant and nice society.
My husband has planned a move to Perth, and with it the weather should be more bearable than my days at Darwin. I am really seriously moving into an environment I know nothing about, especially barely knowing my husband. But seeing how well he treated me for the past months I am back in Malaysia seems to justify he is indeed trustworthy. And his strive to give me a better future makes me appreciate him even more. I do not know what would happen in the coming years of my life with him, but I do know very well whatever happens I am going to stick around as his best friend.
I am looking forward for my SRS. But of course, I do have thoughts on how I would feel after the surgery. Like a finger that is cancerous and needs to be cut off, my penis had been with me for 32 years. It needs to be off me, but no doubt I will miss it. I will miss my silly antics with it, including trying to remove it with my drawer back when I was a child. I will miss adjusting it so it seems inexistent every time I put on my clothes. In fact, I will miss the shame I had of having it. I was grossly insulted by it. I feel it was on my way of wearing a bikini set. I am going to miss killing it.
There is also a move on the way I live my life. I am now spending more time at home in my room. I have turned into a homegirl. I seldom go out to drink. Though the past week I drank a lot in depression because of my godsister's out-of-my-life experience, I do not enjoy alcoholic drinks like I used to. In fact, in the past month I mostly feel lazy to go out, and resigned myself on the comfort of a sofa and watching my favourite shows such as “House” and all the “Crime Scene Investigation” episodes from Las Vegas to Miami. I am becoming quite a couch potato these days.
I know the hurt of losing my sister will die off in time. I guess since there are going to be so many changes in my life soon in terms of body, country, culture, environment and lifestyle there is too many things on my mind right now. With it, a continuous learning process on how to be a better writer. I do wish to be a Yoga and Pilates specialist, and aspire to be a trainer one day. I really am in a fix on what the future brings soon for this stranger going to a strange land. But somehow I know I had gone through worse in my life. Things still should pick up in my life. After all, life is beautiful.
Losing my sister is probably one of the signs of changes in my life. Just barely two weeks ago, we were still joking around my ex-employer's office. We were still planning what to do with her wedding. One of our colleagues we were very close to was leaving, and at the last day of his work we all had a nice steamboat dinner together. I missed the second round of their party in a Karaoke centre, but being ill means I really wish I were to be home. Then barely few days later, she ran away and possibly will never come back into our lives. Suddenly, I no longer have a family here.
The knowledge that she cheated all of us was unbearable for the four of us; the fiancee, my ex-boss, our one good friend and me were unwilling victims to an illusion of an pitiful angel she created for us to see. Having loved her and cared for her unconditionally, it was disappointing for her to have used all of us. She is in the end selfish, and her decision will bear consequences for herself while we all get on with our lives. It would take some getting used to, suddenly not having someone I had treated with so much love and dignity, but I do know some friendships just do not last till old age.
I will be leaving Malaysia to Australia and stay there for an unknown period of time, perhaps years with my husband. I admitted to my husband that I found Australia unbearable because I missed Malaysia. Both have its good points and bad points, but the crux of the matter is that I am so used to the Malaysian environment. The roads, the shops, the shopping complexes and mostly the food. In my commitment to be with my husband, I am resigned to another different culture; one I hope I am able to adapt to. It would be so different, so quiet. But with a promise of a tolerant and nice society.
My husband has planned a move to Perth, and with it the weather should be more bearable than my days at Darwin. I am really seriously moving into an environment I know nothing about, especially barely knowing my husband. But seeing how well he treated me for the past months I am back in Malaysia seems to justify he is indeed trustworthy. And his strive to give me a better future makes me appreciate him even more. I do not know what would happen in the coming years of my life with him, but I do know very well whatever happens I am going to stick around as his best friend.
I am looking forward for my SRS. But of course, I do have thoughts on how I would feel after the surgery. Like a finger that is cancerous and needs to be cut off, my penis had been with me for 32 years. It needs to be off me, but no doubt I will miss it. I will miss my silly antics with it, including trying to remove it with my drawer back when I was a child. I will miss adjusting it so it seems inexistent every time I put on my clothes. In fact, I will miss the shame I had of having it. I was grossly insulted by it. I feel it was on my way of wearing a bikini set. I am going to miss killing it.
There is also a move on the way I live my life. I am now spending more time at home in my room. I have turned into a homegirl. I seldom go out to drink. Though the past week I drank a lot in depression because of my godsister's out-of-my-life experience, I do not enjoy alcoholic drinks like I used to. In fact, in the past month I mostly feel lazy to go out, and resigned myself on the comfort of a sofa and watching my favourite shows such as “House” and all the “Crime Scene Investigation” episodes from Las Vegas to Miami. I am becoming quite a couch potato these days.
I know the hurt of losing my sister will die off in time. I guess since there are going to be so many changes in my life soon in terms of body, country, culture, environment and lifestyle there is too many things on my mind right now. With it, a continuous learning process on how to be a better writer. I do wish to be a Yoga and Pilates specialist, and aspire to be a trainer one day. I really am in a fix on what the future brings soon for this stranger going to a strange land. But somehow I know I had gone through worse in my life. Things still should pick up in my life. After all, life is beautiful.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Who are we to judge Sufiah Yusuf?
I have been following the story of Sufiah Yusuf (Shilpa Lee) with interest. At 13 she is a math genius and now as a young adult she is a full-time escort. What disgusts me is the reaction of the worldwide moral police consisting of bloggers, religious people and journalists having their own opinions on why she choose the life of an escort. It goes from “Blame the father” to “Pressure from young age” then “Divorce from her husband”. Reactions consists of “She needs to 'bertaubat' (repent)” to “sad state of mind” then “unlucky”, recently “look at the kind of money she is making!”
I find all these very silly indeed. I had a chat with my friend recently about her and we both agree, we should stop making assumptions and just listen to what she had to say. And she finally uttered this sentence, “By the time I was 15 I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back”. This sentence seemed to be virtually ignored by every person reading her story. In fact, many quarters still wishes to define her for herself when she is already in control of her life. In fact, everyone is trying to act like they know her, still repeating the really annoying dogma of “Blame the father!”.
She was 15 when she decided to take control of her life. I wish I had the courage and determination to do so at that age. When I was her age, until a few years back I was still being controlled by people; parents, church members, friends, teachers and boyfriends/girlfriends. They imposed what they believed was for the good of me when it made me a severely confused girl who is trying to be a boy to please everyone. Whatever I do was taken under scrutiny. In the process, I lost the soul of what makes me, me. I became the parody of each and everyone's definition of the surname “Choe”.
If I had chose to stop listening too much to people at that age, and start to question and think for myself, I would have a hard a life as a transsexual female at a very young age. But at least I know I would be happy. But knowing that at 30 plus I am finally in control of my life makes me realise it is not too late. And of course, there are the usual ridiculous assumptions of what made me “become” this way; “Must be the mother”, “She had been sexually abused”, “The last girlfriend must have hurt this person so badly”, and a host of other fallacy of ambiguities. All post hoc, ergo propter hoc.
I took control of my life as Sufiah Yusuf did. I wish I had the maturity to do so at her age. But at least I am on my way. Sufiah Yusuf is now happy in her career and we all should just leave her alone. We talk so much about “blame the father”, but are we not doing the same things the father did? The father pressured her when she was too young to be a math prodigy, did we not say that? And look what we are doing now. We are pressuring her to “repent” and we made out her story like a personal disaster movie; but she already stated that she is happy her life had turned out this way.
And what is wrong with being a escort? The calls of “sin” again? Are we not sinful too? And I sincerely ask every women reading my humble blog here this question. Since most of us Malaysia women would also have our chance encounters with men until we slept with them for the night, which is better, to give men sex for free or to give men sex for money? This is a controversial subject, but just think. How many one night stands had some of us women had with just a “mamak” supper to show for. If we call her a “hooker” for earning her kind of money, what about us then?
Let us all just respect her for her decision. Who are we to judge her? Are we giving her money to use in United Kingdom? Are we feeding her or clothing her? For goodness sake, she is taking care of her own life. It is time we should leave her alone. We would bear consequences of our own fallen nature, and similarly would not like to be judged in the same manner. And she is smart enough to know she cannot be in this field of work forever. And we cannot live forever without taking care of ourselves too. It is insane trying to control or define Sufiah Yusuf when we do not even know her.
It is time for us to stop condemning or pitying or judging her. It is time for us to start listening to her, because she is happy in her life. We would be ultra shallow to resort to condescending remarks about her when we have our own problem and our lives to live. How would we feel if we were to be under the same scrutiny and being defined by everyone around us? We surely would not like that. To Sufiah Yusuf, I give you my sincere high 5 . You are a very brave young woman. Even though everyone thinks you are crazy, you are an inspiration to me. Take care, all the best for the future.
I find all these very silly indeed. I had a chat with my friend recently about her and we both agree, we should stop making assumptions and just listen to what she had to say. And she finally uttered this sentence, “By the time I was 15 I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back”. This sentence seemed to be virtually ignored by every person reading her story. In fact, many quarters still wishes to define her for herself when she is already in control of her life. In fact, everyone is trying to act like they know her, still repeating the really annoying dogma of “Blame the father!”.
She was 15 when she decided to take control of her life. I wish I had the courage and determination to do so at that age. When I was her age, until a few years back I was still being controlled by people; parents, church members, friends, teachers and boyfriends/girlfriends. They imposed what they believed was for the good of me when it made me a severely confused girl who is trying to be a boy to please everyone. Whatever I do was taken under scrutiny. In the process, I lost the soul of what makes me, me. I became the parody of each and everyone's definition of the surname “Choe”.
If I had chose to stop listening too much to people at that age, and start to question and think for myself, I would have a hard a life as a transsexual female at a very young age. But at least I know I would be happy. But knowing that at 30 plus I am finally in control of my life makes me realise it is not too late. And of course, there are the usual ridiculous assumptions of what made me “become” this way; “Must be the mother”, “She had been sexually abused”, “The last girlfriend must have hurt this person so badly”, and a host of other fallacy of ambiguities. All post hoc, ergo propter hoc.
I took control of my life as Sufiah Yusuf did. I wish I had the maturity to do so at her age. But at least I am on my way. Sufiah Yusuf is now happy in her career and we all should just leave her alone. We talk so much about “blame the father”, but are we not doing the same things the father did? The father pressured her when she was too young to be a math prodigy, did we not say that? And look what we are doing now. We are pressuring her to “repent” and we made out her story like a personal disaster movie; but she already stated that she is happy her life had turned out this way.
And what is wrong with being a escort? The calls of “sin” again? Are we not sinful too? And I sincerely ask every women reading my humble blog here this question. Since most of us Malaysia women would also have our chance encounters with men until we slept with them for the night, which is better, to give men sex for free or to give men sex for money? This is a controversial subject, but just think. How many one night stands had some of us women had with just a “mamak” supper to show for. If we call her a “hooker” for earning her kind of money, what about us then?
Let us all just respect her for her decision. Who are we to judge her? Are we giving her money to use in United Kingdom? Are we feeding her or clothing her? For goodness sake, she is taking care of her own life. It is time we should leave her alone. We would bear consequences of our own fallen nature, and similarly would not like to be judged in the same manner. And she is smart enough to know she cannot be in this field of work forever. And we cannot live forever without taking care of ourselves too. It is insane trying to control or define Sufiah Yusuf when we do not even know her.
It is time for us to stop condemning or pitying or judging her. It is time for us to start listening to her, because she is happy in her life. We would be ultra shallow to resort to condescending remarks about her when we have our own problem and our lives to live. How would we feel if we were to be under the same scrutiny and being defined by everyone around us? We surely would not like that. To Sufiah Yusuf, I give you my sincere high 5 . You are a very brave young woman. Even though everyone thinks you are crazy, you are an inspiration to me. Take care, all the best for the future.
Selective wit and wisdom of Sufiah Yusuf (Shilpa Lee):
"People think escorting is sleazy and terrible but I don’t see it like that,”
"I hate this stereotype society has of escorts as being exploited. It is so far from the truth. My clients treat me like a princess. One guy took me shopping on Bond Street. He bought me a beautiful black Gucci dress for £300 (RM1,920) and then took me to Selfridges, where I could pick a handbag I liked.”
"As I grew older, I began to clash with my father. He was violent at times. He pushed me so far academically, I became more confident for any girl my age. I grew up too quickly.”
"Oxford was an amazing place but I was too young. By the time I was 15, I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back,”
"I have never felt so confident about my body and I’ve had some of the best sex of my life”
Yuki's thoughts:
She Is Da Bomb! Kinda Inspire Me To Really Do Something About My Body. : )
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
What A Week It Had Been.
It was such a surreal feeling when Luis Nani slotted in the third goal. Manchester United won 3-0 against Liverpool, and I am left feeling ecstatic. What could beat that? An unlikely ally for a day Chelsea winning 2-1 against Arsenal. That places my favourite football club for 22 years at 5 points ahead of Chelsea, with 7 games (equivalent to 21 points) to go. It means Sir Alex Ferguson, whom I followed since replacing Ron Atkinson in 1986, is inching closer to his 10th Premier League crown.
The night before, the staff of my home pub Dragon Zone (formerly known as Face 2) threw me a sort of surprise party. I drank myself to the ground that day, for it would probably be the last day I drink, a bit over 3 months to go for my Sex Reassignment Surgery. I may not even touch another single drink again after that, for I am just not a drinker and really bored of all the daze while drinking and the headaches the day after. The PR Ah Yen even bought me a CJ7 doll as a gift.
Thursday the 20th March, it was a joyous reunion with my sister LY. I call a lot of people my sister, but that is on a friendship basis, and some because it was a nick for transgenders. She was however, the only person whom I would treat as my real sister at the least in my life. She is the only one of few people I have left to call my family. Having not seen her for almost 3 years, she sure changed a lot. And I am sure I changed even more since the last time she saw me I was still a troubled boy!
When we hugged each other near the new wing second floor escalator at Sunway Pyramid, reality hit me. I really loved this woman. She was the first to 'notice' the girl me that was undefined. We had a nice lunch at the Marakesh in a Chinese Restaurant before we went shopping together. I am still shy to let her see me try on some clothes I planned to buy, but deep in my heart, I know I had always been her sister, and she accepted it. It was nice chit chat journey driving her home too.
Monday 17th was also extra special. I expected it, and it finally come. Responses to my article on Ex-Gay Watch. It was strangely special because it was comments from people from Real Love Ministry. I am of course curious at why Edmund Smith could not come out and be accountable to his ex-gay myth, and needed to rely on cronies to do his bidding. Oh well, that is what brainwashing and indoctrination does anyway, judging by their dogmatic overtures. It was fun debunking them.
Sunday the 16th was a true karaoke bash. 8 of my ex-colleagues attended it, and we had a heck of a time at Neway Galaxie. There were so many new songs we sang, so many moments to cherish. There were MTV Karaoke versions to the songs “Hips Don't Lie” and “Zombie” to my surprise. The sound system in the extra large room was superb too. Since I had not been to a Karaoke room environment for a long time, this was an exhilarating experience for me, especially the music.
Not only they spent me, but they gave me a gift I shall never forget. A new Manchester United jersey! I believe it is a Class B jersey since I saw that it is made in Thailand, but I loved it all the same. We had a swell time and when the night was almost over, the whole floor of the Karaoke room was wet (luckily the management did not hold us responsible). The event ended with my best friend drunk and we call it an early night. My night ended having supper with my good friend B.
This was the one week buildup to my birthday yesterday. There were a lot of wishes all over Facebook and Friendster, and from some parts of the world (If you are reading this, thanks for the Beatles birthday song Peterson, I mean it!). There were SMSes and calls. It was another wonderful day yesterday, especially reading news of Manchester United's triumph in the newspapers. I wrapped up my night by finishing another article for Ex-Gay Watch. Yep, on writing form indeed.
I would like to have this opportunity to thank all the people who had made my life so wonderful this past week. I know you do not wish I mention names, so I would of course keep the privacy thingy. Even though my husband cannot share it with me, this had really been one of the most beautiful weeks of my life leading up to my birthday. You will all be in my heart, my writings and my life. I will continue to hold on to these sweet memories as long as I live. I am forever your girl. Ditto.
The night before, the staff of my home pub Dragon Zone (formerly known as Face 2) threw me a sort of surprise party. I drank myself to the ground that day, for it would probably be the last day I drink, a bit over 3 months to go for my Sex Reassignment Surgery. I may not even touch another single drink again after that, for I am just not a drinker and really bored of all the daze while drinking and the headaches the day after. The PR Ah Yen even bought me a CJ7 doll as a gift.
Thursday the 20th March, it was a joyous reunion with my sister LY. I call a lot of people my sister, but that is on a friendship basis, and some because it was a nick for transgenders. She was however, the only person whom I would treat as my real sister at the least in my life. She is the only one of few people I have left to call my family. Having not seen her for almost 3 years, she sure changed a lot. And I am sure I changed even more since the last time she saw me I was still a troubled boy!
When we hugged each other near the new wing second floor escalator at Sunway Pyramid, reality hit me. I really loved this woman. She was the first to 'notice' the girl me that was undefined. We had a nice lunch at the Marakesh in a Chinese Restaurant before we went shopping together. I am still shy to let her see me try on some clothes I planned to buy, but deep in my heart, I know I had always been her sister, and she accepted it. It was nice chit chat journey driving her home too.
Monday 17th was also extra special. I expected it, and it finally come. Responses to my article on Ex-Gay Watch. It was strangely special because it was comments from people from Real Love Ministry. I am of course curious at why Edmund Smith could not come out and be accountable to his ex-gay myth, and needed to rely on cronies to do his bidding. Oh well, that is what brainwashing and indoctrination does anyway, judging by their dogmatic overtures. It was fun debunking them.
Sunday the 16th was a true karaoke bash. 8 of my ex-colleagues attended it, and we had a heck of a time at Neway Galaxie. There were so many new songs we sang, so many moments to cherish. There were MTV Karaoke versions to the songs “Hips Don't Lie” and “Zombie” to my surprise. The sound system in the extra large room was superb too. Since I had not been to a Karaoke room environment for a long time, this was an exhilarating experience for me, especially the music.
Not only they spent me, but they gave me a gift I shall never forget. A new Manchester United jersey! I believe it is a Class B jersey since I saw that it is made in Thailand, but I loved it all the same. We had a swell time and when the night was almost over, the whole floor of the Karaoke room was wet (luckily the management did not hold us responsible). The event ended with my best friend drunk and we call it an early night. My night ended having supper with my good friend B.
This was the one week buildup to my birthday yesterday. There were a lot of wishes all over Facebook and Friendster, and from some parts of the world (If you are reading this, thanks for the Beatles birthday song Peterson, I mean it!). There were SMSes and calls. It was another wonderful day yesterday, especially reading news of Manchester United's triumph in the newspapers. I wrapped up my night by finishing another article for Ex-Gay Watch. Yep, on writing form indeed.
I would like to have this opportunity to thank all the people who had made my life so wonderful this past week. I know you do not wish I mention names, so I would of course keep the privacy thingy. Even though my husband cannot share it with me, this had really been one of the most beautiful weeks of my life leading up to my birthday. You will all be in my heart, my writings and my life. I will continue to hold on to these sweet memories as long as I live. I am forever your girl. Ditto.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Nong Tum.
This post is dedicated to a fiery lady that needs no introduction, an ode to a transsexual female who leads by example to never let anyone intimidate her.
She is Parinya Kiatbusaba (or Parinya Charoenphol), better known to all of us as Nong Tum.
In one of her most notable fights >.
In her final fight. In the movie 'Beautiful Boxer', it is mentioned that it is after this fight in which she is starting to feel conflicted with her love for Muay Thai, her treatment by fight organizers as a circus show and her wanting to be her true girl self. It was then she withdrew from the sport under pressure from Muay Thai traditions of not allowing females to fight and complete her SRS.
The trailer for the movie "Beautiful Boxer". The movie won tons of allocades including Best Actor at the Thai Academy Awards for Asanee Suwan who played Nong Tum, and several other international awards such as:
- Torino International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival – Best Feature Film, winner (2004)
- Thailand National Film Association Awards – Best Actor Asanee Suwan, winner; Best Makeup Kraisorn Sampethchareon, winner (2004)
- San Sebastián International Film Festival – Sebastian Award, winner (2004)
- Milan International Lesbian and Gay Film Festival – Best Film, winner (2004)
- Outfest Achievement Award – Outstanding Emerging Talent, Ekachai Uekrongtham (2004)
- GLAAD Media Awards – Outstanding Film Limited Release, nominated (2006)
Nong Tum makes a special guest appearance in this movie as a beauty therapist, and Nong Tum's last opponent Kyoko Inoue plays herself, re-enecting the final fight in the movie.
Some photos of Nong Tum then and now here:
Yuki's Choice Reading:
Nong Tum On National Geographic.
Nong Tum's profile in Wikipedia.
She is Parinya Kiatbusaba (or Parinya Charoenphol), better known to all of us as Nong Tum.
In one of her most notable fights >.
In her final fight. In the movie 'Beautiful Boxer', it is mentioned that it is after this fight in which she is starting to feel conflicted with her love for Muay Thai, her treatment by fight organizers as a circus show and her wanting to be her true girl self. It was then she withdrew from the sport under pressure from Muay Thai traditions of not allowing females to fight and complete her SRS.
The trailer for the movie "Beautiful Boxer". The movie won tons of allocades including Best Actor at the Thai Academy Awards for Asanee Suwan who played Nong Tum, and several other international awards such as:
- Torino International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival – Best Feature Film, winner (2004)
- Thailand National Film Association Awards – Best Actor Asanee Suwan, winner; Best Makeup Kraisorn Sampethchareon, winner (2004)
- San Sebastián International Film Festival – Sebastian Award, winner (2004)
- Milan International Lesbian and Gay Film Festival – Best Film, winner (2004)
- Outfest Achievement Award – Outstanding Emerging Talent, Ekachai Uekrongtham (2004)
- GLAAD Media Awards – Outstanding Film Limited Release, nominated (2006)
Nong Tum makes a special guest appearance in this movie as a beauty therapist, and Nong Tum's last opponent Kyoko Inoue plays herself, re-enecting the final fight in the movie.
Some photos of Nong Tum then and now here:
Yuki's Choice Reading:
Nong Tum On National Geographic.
Nong Tum's profile in Wikipedia.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Of Transsexuals, Transvestites and Transgenders.
It was loathsome. Two transvestites humiliated themselves doing a ridiculous sexy dance in a show of feigned ‘feminity’ in order to get into the finals of the Miss Say Yes annual ‘pageant’. I am one of the contestants for this week’s heat at the request of my friend who was PR manager at the place. But the applauses were given more to the transvestite contestants for making a fool of themselves then the serious transsexual contenders.
I am very tempted to withdraw from this show of utter drag flamboyance, but for my friend’s plea. It is not that I am in any way intolerant of transvestites (cross dressers, drags alike) but I am starting to feel the serious implications of lumping both transsexuals and transvestites, two totally different sets of people into one label we call transgenders; especially in a society that already finds it hard to differentiate between the two subsets.
I recently chatted online with Marti of Transadvocate.com; and I told her that I completely support total separation between transsexuals and transvestites, but I also shared to her that as not one transvestite can judge transsexuals like me for wanting the surgery, we transsexuals cannot judge transvestites for wanting to cross-dress as women even thought they identity as men. A pot and a kettle still belong in the kitchen I told her.
Getting a layman to understand the differences is already difficult. Then, battle lines were drawn for the past few months within the transsexual groups, when transsexuals who do not wish to associate with then term transgender starts to condemn those transsexuals who are comfortable with the term. They are called Women Born Transsexuals (WBT). Confused? I too when they went on to attack transsexuals who chose not to go for SRS.
Now I believe everyone has the right for self-determination and interpreting the Harry Benjamin Syndrome and Standards Of Care. But to use it in order to justify bigotry against transsexual sisters by calling them men in women dresses is also uncalled for. A transsexual is a transsexual is a transsexual. A lot of transsexuals cannot undergo SRS because of religion. If they do so they would be flogged, jailed or even killed in prison.
So how do we define “men in dresses”? I apologize, but let me tell you something. I am not a transvestite, I know I am a girl born with an abnormal mutation, but I have friends who are transvestites. They will willingly admit to everyone they are men and just like to cross-dress. Just like a lot of my tomboy friends would tell you they are still comfortable females. I am a pre-op transsexual, and that certainly does not make me a transvestite.
In any case, it would not even matter soon because I am going for SRS in June, so not one WBT would have anything on me because I would had, in their terms, being ‘born’ a transsexual. Which for me is still not accurate. I am born an incomplete girl. But going to be a lady. So there needs to be clarity here. A transsexual may not have an operation but could still remain a transsexual. Like a man that lost his dick in an accident is still a man.
In the end, WBT and transsexual should be separated from what is transvestite. Actually I find both transsexual groups do fit into the transgender category, but not transvestites. Why Virginia Prince invented the word ‘transgender’ to mix transsexuals and transvestites together is beyond me; transvestites have more to do with transfer of clothes rather than transfer of gender. A social construct should never be used to represent human beings.
Yuki's Thoughts: Yes, I will withdraw from the competition for the sake of my WBT and TS sisters.
I am very tempted to withdraw from this show of utter drag flamboyance, but for my friend’s plea. It is not that I am in any way intolerant of transvestites (cross dressers, drags alike) but I am starting to feel the serious implications of lumping both transsexuals and transvestites, two totally different sets of people into one label we call transgenders; especially in a society that already finds it hard to differentiate between the two subsets.
I recently chatted online with Marti of Transadvocate.com; and I told her that I completely support total separation between transsexuals and transvestites, but I also shared to her that as not one transvestite can judge transsexuals like me for wanting the surgery, we transsexuals cannot judge transvestites for wanting to cross-dress as women even thought they identity as men. A pot and a kettle still belong in the kitchen I told her.
Getting a layman to understand the differences is already difficult. Then, battle lines were drawn for the past few months within the transsexual groups, when transsexuals who do not wish to associate with then term transgender starts to condemn those transsexuals who are comfortable with the term. They are called Women Born Transsexuals (WBT). Confused? I too when they went on to attack transsexuals who chose not to go for SRS.
Now I believe everyone has the right for self-determination and interpreting the Harry Benjamin Syndrome and Standards Of Care. But to use it in order to justify bigotry against transsexual sisters by calling them men in women dresses is also uncalled for. A transsexual is a transsexual is a transsexual. A lot of transsexuals cannot undergo SRS because of religion. If they do so they would be flogged, jailed or even killed in prison.
So how do we define “men in dresses”? I apologize, but let me tell you something. I am not a transvestite, I know I am a girl born with an abnormal mutation, but I have friends who are transvestites. They will willingly admit to everyone they are men and just like to cross-dress. Just like a lot of my tomboy friends would tell you they are still comfortable females. I am a pre-op transsexual, and that certainly does not make me a transvestite.
In any case, it would not even matter soon because I am going for SRS in June, so not one WBT would have anything on me because I would had, in their terms, being ‘born’ a transsexual. Which for me is still not accurate. I am born an incomplete girl. But going to be a lady. So there needs to be clarity here. A transsexual may not have an operation but could still remain a transsexual. Like a man that lost his dick in an accident is still a man.
In the end, WBT and transsexual should be separated from what is transvestite. Actually I find both transsexual groups do fit into the transgender category, but not transvestites. Why Virginia Prince invented the word ‘transgender’ to mix transsexuals and transvestites together is beyond me; transvestites have more to do with transfer of clothes rather than transfer of gender. A social construct should never be used to represent human beings.
Yuki's Thoughts: Yes, I will withdraw from the competition for the sake of my WBT and TS sisters.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Proof Of Fat.
I was tired, but nevertheless excited to hang out at this new place my pal Jenny recommended me at TTDI. As I got into her friend’s car, she remarked, ‘We are going to a club, so do you wish to put on something better for it? You look like an auntie’. So I returned to my humble room and tried on some dresses I had not wore in a year. After selecting the most comfortable one, I sat on my bed in attempt to apply some eye shadow.
Popped! Two of the buttons of my favourite sexy semi bare back dress decided to shoot themselves off. As I cursed myself at the prospect of having to fix the minor damages, another matter came into my mind. I am really fat now! As I scoured across the room for more options in nightwear I realise the choices I had was few and far between. I wore another favourite sexy one piece; it was then I noticed bulges that were inexistent before.
The sightings of a fat Yuki have been aplenty these days. Many of my friends had commented about the fat allocation around my belly. So much so embarrassingly I had to wear a strap around my stomach sometimes. When the side of my foldable bed gave way one day I was shattered. I am having liver problems, so I do not wish to starve myself. But I am desperate to get back the 60kg frame I had before. 80kg Yuki just would not do.
I am lucky to get married to a husband that does not care if I am fat. And friends did tell me I do not need to lose weight since I am already attached for better or for worse. But I felt not striving to look good after getting married is a lame excuse. So many older married women I had met still maintain a great body even way past their 50s. So I really do not see the reason why I should not attempt to achieve it, especially with my age now.
My legs too have problems supporting my body’s weight. A walk around One Utama shopping center proved to be a hurting experience on my thighs and feet. One of my friends Pei had the same problem, she became an ally in reminding me the importance of losing my excess baggage or I would have to spend cash weekly for foot reflexology. It was a stark realization that my jogging plans rests heavily on a strong, fit pair of legs.
Exercise itself was a tormenting experience. I strutted around just four rounds around the park and ended up with tired and sore legs for four days in which I walked like a zombie. The fat just would not go away. The bulge wishes to make my stomach its home. I am increasingly frustrated with the knowledge that at my 30 plus age my metabolism is slowing down. My quest to get rid of the unwanted pounds looks increasingly impossible.
I am now tempted to go vegetarian. Since diet pills do not help and even make matters worse, I am resigned to taking extra virgin olive oil with bread for meals as my husband recommended. And in my attempt to quit smoking, I do know that statistically I am going to gain at least a few kg once cigarettes no longer control of my life. But at least drinking only two times a week helps. But my mind still ponders on how to get that slim body.
Yes, I do admit my obsession to lose weight is due my ego and my insane addiction to self-image. I had lost the opportunity to own a killer female body back in my younger days when I was tied down to being a boy. I already have a female looking face, but it is rough all over with pimple scars. My body, with its hidden feminine shape and silky smooth skin is all I have. But I hope to achieve the nice body along with my health intact.
Popped! Two of the buttons of my favourite sexy semi bare back dress decided to shoot themselves off. As I cursed myself at the prospect of having to fix the minor damages, another matter came into my mind. I am really fat now! As I scoured across the room for more options in nightwear I realise the choices I had was few and far between. I wore another favourite sexy one piece; it was then I noticed bulges that were inexistent before.
The sightings of a fat Yuki have been aplenty these days. Many of my friends had commented about the fat allocation around my belly. So much so embarrassingly I had to wear a strap around my stomach sometimes. When the side of my foldable bed gave way one day I was shattered. I am having liver problems, so I do not wish to starve myself. But I am desperate to get back the 60kg frame I had before. 80kg Yuki just would not do.
I am lucky to get married to a husband that does not care if I am fat. And friends did tell me I do not need to lose weight since I am already attached for better or for worse. But I felt not striving to look good after getting married is a lame excuse. So many older married women I had met still maintain a great body even way past their 50s. So I really do not see the reason why I should not attempt to achieve it, especially with my age now.
My legs too have problems supporting my body’s weight. A walk around One Utama shopping center proved to be a hurting experience on my thighs and feet. One of my friends Pei had the same problem, she became an ally in reminding me the importance of losing my excess baggage or I would have to spend cash weekly for foot reflexology. It was a stark realization that my jogging plans rests heavily on a strong, fit pair of legs.
Exercise itself was a tormenting experience. I strutted around just four rounds around the park and ended up with tired and sore legs for four days in which I walked like a zombie. The fat just would not go away. The bulge wishes to make my stomach its home. I am increasingly frustrated with the knowledge that at my 30 plus age my metabolism is slowing down. My quest to get rid of the unwanted pounds looks increasingly impossible.
I am now tempted to go vegetarian. Since diet pills do not help and even make matters worse, I am resigned to taking extra virgin olive oil with bread for meals as my husband recommended. And in my attempt to quit smoking, I do know that statistically I am going to gain at least a few kg once cigarettes no longer control of my life. But at least drinking only two times a week helps. But my mind still ponders on how to get that slim body.
Yes, I do admit my obsession to lose weight is due my ego and my insane addiction to self-image. I had lost the opportunity to own a killer female body back in my younger days when I was tied down to being a boy. I already have a female looking face, but it is rough all over with pimple scars. My body, with its hidden feminine shape and silky smooth skin is all I have. But I hope to achieve the nice body along with my health intact.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Waiting For That Day.
It is now the 27th of February. In exactly four months time, aided and supported by an ever loving husband, and with tons of friends cheering me on; I shall embark on a journey that some have taken triumphantly, but many did not reach this destination. Some cited religion, others the fear of pain, but a good many gave the reason of the worry of being stuck in limbo identity wise as a consequence to it. But I without any hesitation, fear, and with lots of prayer, will be on my way.
The Sex Reassignment Surgery brings with it a new life. For me it is something spiritual, it is like coming home. Or as my friend joked of that Britney song in relations to me, 'I am not a girl, not yet a woman'; but all Yuki needs is not time, but getting the mutated growth out of her. Yes, my satisfaction would be all complete. I would have no shame in going to female spas, and I shall walk proudly out on the streets with hot pants and the T-back underneath it. My joy will be complete.
And with it a husband to share it with. I am removing a biological chastity belt and will be having a sex life with someone that had shown tremendous love, affection and sacrifice for me. I will be able to swim in a bikini or swimsuit without anymore shame. In some Asian countries like Thailand, having that 'thing' taken off is the symbol of coming of age into womanhood. I am finally alive.
Perhaps many do not understand why a person like me wishes to go for it. My Credo brother actually questioned me of my self acceptance. He said if I really accepted myself, I do not need to remove it. But I threw back the answer, something I was incapable of doing two years ago. I told him, that as I can never understand homosexuals 100% how matter I research because of the lack of real time life on it, he can never understand a transsexual. We just had to do what is right and just.
He reminded me again that I can never be a real girl. I beg to differ. With everything from my heart and mind motivations to God, to my psychological and human spirit, I had always been a girl. In fact I never even come close to being half of a boy, instead I had always been closer to who I am. As all the memories of people, from churches to friends trying to define a manhood into me subside, along with the decades of hurt; I am finally happy in my shell heading towards the future.
All the fixations of sex organs as a gender marker can be thrown away now as I am no longer confused. A man with two dicks do not turn him into a superman. A man losing a dick to cancer do not make him less of a man. A woman having being born without the ability to have a child do not make her a man. A woman having small breasts do not make her less than a woman. Likewise, the sexual organ I am getting is just an identification imprint below. I understand now that I am female.
With this huge physiological change coming in a few months time, I did a lot of reflections into my past life, the struggles of trying to be what people want me to be, letting people define who I am, even now at the midst of the comfort I have being myself these days. But I realised I am a much stronger person now and I do not need to seek people's attention and approval anymore. I do not need to live by anyone's standards. I will never let myself be intimidated by transphobics anymore.
Perhaps it is fitting that I finally got to watch 'Beautiful Boxer' on Astro Kirana. It is really an amazing story based on true events of Nong Tum. Although my life would never be so spectacular like hers, and I could not even jog for more than 5 rounds around the park (let alone deliver knock out Muay Thai punches like her); everyone of us transsexuals would have our own stories to tell, lives to live, stuffs to face. All of us are going through dangers in our lives but we must hang on.
I am looking forward so much to the 'cutting' point of my transition. By the long winded tone of this post you should know I am thrilled to bits. Of course I could never imagine the impact of waking up realising the abnormal growth is gone, or even the pain that might ensue. I am hoping to get internet access at the hospital and hotel so that I could have a daily updates of what is happening an keep my writing up to date. In the meantime; my heartful thanks for those who had accepted the lady I am.
The Sex Reassignment Surgery brings with it a new life. For me it is something spiritual, it is like coming home. Or as my friend joked of that Britney song in relations to me, 'I am not a girl, not yet a woman'; but all Yuki needs is not time, but getting the mutated growth out of her. Yes, my satisfaction would be all complete. I would have no shame in going to female spas, and I shall walk proudly out on the streets with hot pants and the T-back underneath it. My joy will be complete.
And with it a husband to share it with. I am removing a biological chastity belt and will be having a sex life with someone that had shown tremendous love, affection and sacrifice for me. I will be able to swim in a bikini or swimsuit without anymore shame. In some Asian countries like Thailand, having that 'thing' taken off is the symbol of coming of age into womanhood. I am finally alive.
Perhaps many do not understand why a person like me wishes to go for it. My Credo brother actually questioned me of my self acceptance. He said if I really accepted myself, I do not need to remove it. But I threw back the answer, something I was incapable of doing two years ago. I told him, that as I can never understand homosexuals 100% how matter I research because of the lack of real time life on it, he can never understand a transsexual. We just had to do what is right and just.
He reminded me again that I can never be a real girl. I beg to differ. With everything from my heart and mind motivations to God, to my psychological and human spirit, I had always been a girl. In fact I never even come close to being half of a boy, instead I had always been closer to who I am. As all the memories of people, from churches to friends trying to define a manhood into me subside, along with the decades of hurt; I am finally happy in my shell heading towards the future.
All the fixations of sex organs as a gender marker can be thrown away now as I am no longer confused. A man with two dicks do not turn him into a superman. A man losing a dick to cancer do not make him less of a man. A woman having being born without the ability to have a child do not make her a man. A woman having small breasts do not make her less than a woman. Likewise, the sexual organ I am getting is just an identification imprint below. I understand now that I am female.
With this huge physiological change coming in a few months time, I did a lot of reflections into my past life, the struggles of trying to be what people want me to be, letting people define who I am, even now at the midst of the comfort I have being myself these days. But I realised I am a much stronger person now and I do not need to seek people's attention and approval anymore. I do not need to live by anyone's standards. I will never let myself be intimidated by transphobics anymore.
Perhaps it is fitting that I finally got to watch 'Beautiful Boxer' on Astro Kirana. It is really an amazing story based on true events of Nong Tum. Although my life would never be so spectacular like hers, and I could not even jog for more than 5 rounds around the park (let alone deliver knock out Muay Thai punches like her); everyone of us transsexuals would have our own stories to tell, lives to live, stuffs to face. All of us are going through dangers in our lives but we must hang on.
I am looking forward so much to the 'cutting' point of my transition. By the long winded tone of this post you should know I am thrilled to bits. Of course I could never imagine the impact of waking up realising the abnormal growth is gone, or even the pain that might ensue. I am hoping to get internet access at the hospital and hotel so that I could have a daily updates of what is happening an keep my writing up to date. In the meantime; my heartful thanks for those who had accepted the lady I am.
Friday, February 22, 2008
The Turnaround Of The Season.
Three weeks passed by so quickly on this Chinese New Year 2008 season, and visions of all past Chinese New Years haunted me this year. Those were happier times then; my friends were around, there are 'red packets' to get, we went gambling together house to house, we went to pubs. But after coming out as who I am, though there were happy times throughout the festivities, this is one season I rather forget, especially when it is worse than last year's heartbreaking mediocre affair.
My diet plan went bust after I dragged myself to the outpatient clinic at Kelana Jaya Medical Centre for liver inflammation and gastric. Thanks to that, my weight is not going to go down anytime soon now. With great dismay I had gained another kilo, and stuck with a sick liver that will take at least another three weeks to heal. With my birthday coming up in a month's time, this means of course I would probably still have this almost 80kg plus frame going into the 32nd year of my lifetime.
My parents are still not accepting of me. Not that I am bothered, but in the end in our lifetime we would only have one set of parents. I love them, even though they feel shame that their 'son' had become their daughter. They are afraid that their neighbours would find out and start gossiping. My friend told me in an Asian culture, a boy that 'wishes' to be a girl is a shame to the family. But I really wonder when is it a shame to just be yourself. Guess ignorance still breeds intolerance.
I am missing my husband in Australia. He had given me so much, a life for that matter, in such a short period in time. He is validating day by day my choice to marry him. Today, he even sms-ed me and told me how he wished I was by his side. In the turmoil of living in a society that just do not wish to understand transsexuals, I know I must go back to him soon. And I know he will be waiting in these few months for me to be by his side again. Our temporary separation had been hard on us.
I spend this season worrying about my car. It is a liability, but being an emotional creature that I am I chose to painstakingly protect it at all costs for its sentimental value. With my car, I had gone through so many adventures. I spent a good time between festivities trying to settle my summons and insurance, which took weeks, in order to get my road tax done. It was only finalized yesterday. Now I still have to wait for my friend the road tax to me, so there is more waiting to be done.
And all of the spending; giving 'red packets' for the season, rescuing a friend, summons with insurance and road tax for my car, my first HRT in months and others had burnt a big bad hole in my pocket. Not that I am concerned, because I still have my two meals a day and the occasional drink; but I really want to save money for any rainy days that may come. I had learned from past experiences of being totally flat broke, so being back to that situation is a real no no for me, ever!
Surely things would turn around, I told myself. Every since I started writing professional articles for Ex-Gay Watch, I find it difficult to maintain both my personal blogsite and Reflections Asia. Then, as fate would allow it, one of my lesbian friends dropped in to the Reflections site and now I may have finally found a writing partner. And I finally had the time to get this post done today. And today, the last day of the Chinese New year season, things just suddenly got better and better.
I hung out with Eddy, a good friend of mine who had been one of the core support for me. He had virtually seen me grow from the troubled young confused 30 something year old and blossom into the person that is called Vivienne now. He had commented this evening that I had come a long way, no longer being insecure and troubled in my own self anxieties and the hurt of having people define who I am. And the invitation to dine accompanied by his boyfriend, brings out a gigantic surprise.
His boyfriend knows someone that I had known for half of my life, amounting to 16 years. Holding back the tears, trying to be cool as I spoke to her after a three year separation, I am finally reunited to the first person I ever called my sister. She is the only friend I had in those year back in high school when I was still struggling with myself. It really feels ultra good to hear her voice on the line again. And I finally get to face her as who I am. It is like my entire nervous system had been healed.
Gosh, how things can change within one day. Life is really ironic sometimes. My Chinese New year season ended on a high note after all. Hope that you all had a beautiful Chap Goh Meh too. Ditto.
My diet plan went bust after I dragged myself to the outpatient clinic at Kelana Jaya Medical Centre for liver inflammation and gastric. Thanks to that, my weight is not going to go down anytime soon now. With great dismay I had gained another kilo, and stuck with a sick liver that will take at least another three weeks to heal. With my birthday coming up in a month's time, this means of course I would probably still have this almost 80kg plus frame going into the 32nd year of my lifetime.
My parents are still not accepting of me. Not that I am bothered, but in the end in our lifetime we would only have one set of parents. I love them, even though they feel shame that their 'son' had become their daughter. They are afraid that their neighbours would find out and start gossiping. My friend told me in an Asian culture, a boy that 'wishes' to be a girl is a shame to the family. But I really wonder when is it a shame to just be yourself. Guess ignorance still breeds intolerance.
I am missing my husband in Australia. He had given me so much, a life for that matter, in such a short period in time. He is validating day by day my choice to marry him. Today, he even sms-ed me and told me how he wished I was by his side. In the turmoil of living in a society that just do not wish to understand transsexuals, I know I must go back to him soon. And I know he will be waiting in these few months for me to be by his side again. Our temporary separation had been hard on us.
I spend this season worrying about my car. It is a liability, but being an emotional creature that I am I chose to painstakingly protect it at all costs for its sentimental value. With my car, I had gone through so many adventures. I spent a good time between festivities trying to settle my summons and insurance, which took weeks, in order to get my road tax done. It was only finalized yesterday. Now I still have to wait for my friend the road tax to me, so there is more waiting to be done.
And all of the spending; giving 'red packets' for the season, rescuing a friend, summons with insurance and road tax for my car, my first HRT in months and others had burnt a big bad hole in my pocket. Not that I am concerned, because I still have my two meals a day and the occasional drink; but I really want to save money for any rainy days that may come. I had learned from past experiences of being totally flat broke, so being back to that situation is a real no no for me, ever!
Surely things would turn around, I told myself. Every since I started writing professional articles for Ex-Gay Watch, I find it difficult to maintain both my personal blogsite and Reflections Asia. Then, as fate would allow it, one of my lesbian friends dropped in to the Reflections site and now I may have finally found a writing partner. And I finally had the time to get this post done today. And today, the last day of the Chinese New year season, things just suddenly got better and better.
I hung out with Eddy, a good friend of mine who had been one of the core support for me. He had virtually seen me grow from the troubled young confused 30 something year old and blossom into the person that is called Vivienne now. He had commented this evening that I had come a long way, no longer being insecure and troubled in my own self anxieties and the hurt of having people define who I am. And the invitation to dine accompanied by his boyfriend, brings out a gigantic surprise.
His boyfriend knows someone that I had known for half of my life, amounting to 16 years. Holding back the tears, trying to be cool as I spoke to her after a three year separation, I am finally reunited to the first person I ever called my sister. She is the only friend I had in those year back in high school when I was still struggling with myself. It really feels ultra good to hear her voice on the line again. And I finally get to face her as who I am. It is like my entire nervous system had been healed.
Gosh, how things can change within one day. Life is really ironic sometimes. My Chinese New year season ended on a high note after all. Hope that you all had a beautiful Chap Goh Meh too. Ditto.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Yuki's Movie Review: Cloverfield.
Warning: Spoilers Proudly On Display.
Cloverfield was probably one of the movies I had earmarked to watch this year. I saw the awesome shocking trailer online, and at the time it was a mysterious film, with no title given out for the movie. The only hint we had was that it was a JJ Abrams produced movie, but the sight of a giant gust of fire and the sudden decapitated head of the Statue Of Liberty landing awkwardly on the streets of New York is enough to get any movie observer curious about what the movie is all about.One thing I do not understand is why it had to be New York. This is, like, the second movie setting New York as the city for annihilation (I am sure Will Smith's “I Am Legend”'s vampire/zombie ravaged New York still comes to mind) this year. New York... but as a city for disaster strikes? Yikes... is everyone still having a hangover of 9/11? I sure miss the romance and splendour of that city, with its melancholic mood all around. Where are all the movies like “You've Got Mail”?
Anyway, back to the movie. Cloverfield (untitled at the time) was the presumed to be a movie about a gigantic robot, with everyone thinking it was Voltron. Then when producer JJ Abrams hinted at it being an American monster, it then had everyone guessing again at what kind of monster it could be. Before the name Cloverfield, the movie was supposed to be named “Slusho”, but the curiousity once the movie name came out made Cloverfield the permanent name, but still plays into the hype.
Cloverfield is about the journey of five people Rob, his brother Jason with his girlfriend Lily, Rob's best friend Hud and the girl he admires Marlena; on the rescue of apple of Rob's affection, Beth (Actually, that is what the synopsis said but technically, it is four because Jason died before the rescue mission begins). I have mixed emotions of the choice of little known actors for this movie. One thing, it makes it so easy to kill off all the characters. But the lesson of friendship is there.
But at what price? In the name of friendship, in order to rescue Beth, all of them except Lily died. Yes, all of them except one. It serves as such an easy backdrop for the monster (I suspect the original title “Slusho” actually refers to the name of the creature). They actually contributed to the body count. In the end, is it all worth it? No, because if it takes the risk of losing four lives to rescue one, it is a show of pure stupidity. Yes, because that is how we could get to see the monster in full.
And what slimy, disgusting piece of meat the monster is. I always believe monsters are not supposed to be cute. The American production Godzilla strikes me as too cute. The destruction of the city in Godzilla was cute. The way some of them 'died' in Godzilla, or nearly got squashed, was cute. In fact, even Godzilla's babies in the end of the movie is cute. The song 'Heroes' sung by The Wallflowers must be the cutest songs ever produced. And boy, yes, Matthew Broderick is cute too!
But there is nothing cute about this monster. This creature kills, to the extent one of the soldiers exclaimed, “Whatever it is, it is winning”. Amazingly awesome killing instincts, capable of releasing dozens and dozens of baby monsters capable of taking out even soldiers with guns. This monster is so haunting some of you may have nightmares about it. And because the movie is shot entirely on a video camera's angle it makes the movie so real, except for those with motion sickness.
But the definite star of the movie must be it. The 'Video Camera'! It lasts so long to tell the tale. I counted probably more than 15 hours of battery, and tape. And you know what, the 'Video Camera' is so robust; it is flung here and there, got hit several times, smashed to the ground, dragged all over the place, got into a pile of rocks after a bomb blast, and it is still functioning properly! Surely, we must know the brand this 'Video Camera' is. It must be one of the most incredible ones in the world!
Overall, I find 'Cloverfield', positively one of the more entertaining movies of this year. The camera angle conveys a sense of realism to the whole movie. And you can literally grow with the characters of this movie (to the point they died of course). But you do feel for the friends. But I do think they could have done more for the ending. The identity of the monster, and the fate of the monster or the city, is not revealed in the end, leaving audiences feeling unfulfilled. I give it a rating 3.5 out of 5.
Yuki's Choice Reading: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloverfield
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Colour Blind.
One of the first clubs I went, to coming back to Malaysia was Rainforest, located just in front of Sunway Pyramid in Petaling Jaya. There was a bunch of African blacks there dancing away, as my friends and me sat with some other chinese customers, as distant from them as possible. As security goes, we try not to even look at them, and prefer to watch the Manchester United vs Birmingham match which was shown on the screen. They are foreigners, but this is also how we treat our blacks.
My experience with the Indians in Malaysia is riddled with mixed emotions. My best friend's boyfriend is an Indian, and I recall all the problems she has with him. Indians are probably the worst possible offenders in treatment of transsexuals in Malaysia, ranging from producing derogatory remarks to violence. I had also been at the end of such acts, having my car scribbled with graffiti to being molested. At the same time however, some of my good friends are Indians.
The crime rates in Malaysia is also pointing a lot of African blacks being involved, and even Malaysian Indians are not spared. Whenever there is a robbery or murder, the suspect is often pointed to our dark coloured fellow human beings. As my former employer and good friend always say which I agree, a lot of Indians are drunkards, and wife abusers. One of my ex workmates I overheard have bruises all over and lost a few teeth due to the endless beatings from her boyfriend.
There is something about blacks that somehow compound our deepest fears. When the AIDS epidemic surfaced back in the early 1980's, way before the religious right blamed homosexuals for it by calling it gay cancer, it was a well known fact that the HIV was carried across the seas by either Haitians or African blacks. Yes, it is the blacks again. But I wonder is it our own prejudice that caused our own discrimination. Or are they really that dangerous part of human civilization.
The recent worry of the government is the big amount of naïve Malaysian women cheated into becoming drug mules. Many of those arrested recalls their stories of how they were lured into friendships with African men who ask them to carry things across the Pacific to friends, or offered them jobs to travel overseas under a lucrative package, without knowing what was packed inside the luggages. Middle Eastern men was implicated but the volume seems louder towards African blacks.
Back home, both Malaysian Indians are African blacks are usually involved actively in gangsterism. Pimps from the African black community are also rampant, especially around the Bangsar area, ready to offer money and drinks to unsuspecting girls who are eventually lured into the sex trade by them. And when there are fights at any pubs, it is usually Indians who are involved. In fact, in every pub or club I went to, the most unruly people who disrupt all the fun are always Malaysian Indians.
I do not wish to say more, but the statistics and the reality are really not good towards people who are blacks. While we idolize the black Americans in the US, with the sounds of Timberland one of my favourite pieces of musical masterpieces to listen to and Denzel Washington one of the actors I like to watch, the sad fact is when you are staying in the United States, many of the crimes committed there are also by blacks, and many forgot American blacks are from African heritage.
My good friend who is a Malaysian Indian and owns a curry house told me that Indians are ruining their own reputations because they have no choice. A huge lot of them are living below the poverty line, which is why they choose to live a rouge life. I cited Tamil movies with all its violence as a bad influence, but he reminded me that there are also a fair share of gun slinging and fighting in Chinese movies as well which is true. So what does it all come down to then? The colour black.
As the recent demonstration in Malaysia points out to us, blacks are a deeply marginalized community, not only in Malaysia, but everywhere. Yes, they may have a police record larger than the yellow pages, but have we ever thought what have we done to push most of them to live in such deplorable standards? Are we the ones who placed them into boxes until they had to use means up to violence to shred the box to pieces? Could society be better if we learnt to be colour blind?
One the parallel lines, I see very clear similarities between transsexuals and Indians. Most transsexuals have no choice but to resort to prostitution; and in the same breath, Indians have no choice but to live off crime. Some transsexuals are lucky enough to be given stereotype jobs such as salons, as with Indians driving lorries and carrying goods. Those who are fortunate transsexuals and Indians, the ones who are blessed with education, we run away from this country for better pastures.
Both communities are insecure people. Both often turn to drugs and alcohol to relieve the pains. Both groups are a community often not given opportunities like medical health care, better living conditions, and proper jobs because of we are minorities. Sometimes I do think, what can we do to contribute to the world to make a better place. One of that, is love. But sadly, the world is now materialistic and realistic enough not to believe in love anymore. I personally hope it is not too late.
I spent some time with my best friend's boyfriend the other day, and I find him to be a nice boy. Children like him, and except for the occasional temper he could be a nice gentlemen. He is responsible at work, driving miles and miles on the lorry for his boss. He is also a fine pool player. He is a good person. If we had give him, Indians, or blacks around the world, more opportunities, just ponder their potential contribution to society. What goes around, would always come around.
My experience with the Indians in Malaysia is riddled with mixed emotions. My best friend's boyfriend is an Indian, and I recall all the problems she has with him. Indians are probably the worst possible offenders in treatment of transsexuals in Malaysia, ranging from producing derogatory remarks to violence. I had also been at the end of such acts, having my car scribbled with graffiti to being molested. At the same time however, some of my good friends are Indians.
The crime rates in Malaysia is also pointing a lot of African blacks being involved, and even Malaysian Indians are not spared. Whenever there is a robbery or murder, the suspect is often pointed to our dark coloured fellow human beings. As my former employer and good friend always say which I agree, a lot of Indians are drunkards, and wife abusers. One of my ex workmates I overheard have bruises all over and lost a few teeth due to the endless beatings from her boyfriend.
There is something about blacks that somehow compound our deepest fears. When the AIDS epidemic surfaced back in the early 1980's, way before the religious right blamed homosexuals for it by calling it gay cancer, it was a well known fact that the HIV was carried across the seas by either Haitians or African blacks. Yes, it is the blacks again. But I wonder is it our own prejudice that caused our own discrimination. Or are they really that dangerous part of human civilization.
The recent worry of the government is the big amount of naïve Malaysian women cheated into becoming drug mules. Many of those arrested recalls their stories of how they were lured into friendships with African men who ask them to carry things across the Pacific to friends, or offered them jobs to travel overseas under a lucrative package, without knowing what was packed inside the luggages. Middle Eastern men was implicated but the volume seems louder towards African blacks.
Back home, both Malaysian Indians are African blacks are usually involved actively in gangsterism. Pimps from the African black community are also rampant, especially around the Bangsar area, ready to offer money and drinks to unsuspecting girls who are eventually lured into the sex trade by them. And when there are fights at any pubs, it is usually Indians who are involved. In fact, in every pub or club I went to, the most unruly people who disrupt all the fun are always Malaysian Indians.
I do not wish to say more, but the statistics and the reality are really not good towards people who are blacks. While we idolize the black Americans in the US, with the sounds of Timberland one of my favourite pieces of musical masterpieces to listen to and Denzel Washington one of the actors I like to watch, the sad fact is when you are staying in the United States, many of the crimes committed there are also by blacks, and many forgot American blacks are from African heritage.
My good friend who is a Malaysian Indian and owns a curry house told me that Indians are ruining their own reputations because they have no choice. A huge lot of them are living below the poverty line, which is why they choose to live a rouge life. I cited Tamil movies with all its violence as a bad influence, but he reminded me that there are also a fair share of gun slinging and fighting in Chinese movies as well which is true. So what does it all come down to then? The colour black.
As the recent demonstration in Malaysia points out to us, blacks are a deeply marginalized community, not only in Malaysia, but everywhere. Yes, they may have a police record larger than the yellow pages, but have we ever thought what have we done to push most of them to live in such deplorable standards? Are we the ones who placed them into boxes until they had to use means up to violence to shred the box to pieces? Could society be better if we learnt to be colour blind?
One the parallel lines, I see very clear similarities between transsexuals and Indians. Most transsexuals have no choice but to resort to prostitution; and in the same breath, Indians have no choice but to live off crime. Some transsexuals are lucky enough to be given stereotype jobs such as salons, as with Indians driving lorries and carrying goods. Those who are fortunate transsexuals and Indians, the ones who are blessed with education, we run away from this country for better pastures.
Both communities are insecure people. Both often turn to drugs and alcohol to relieve the pains. Both groups are a community often not given opportunities like medical health care, better living conditions, and proper jobs because of we are minorities. Sometimes I do think, what can we do to contribute to the world to make a better place. One of that, is love. But sadly, the world is now materialistic and realistic enough not to believe in love anymore. I personally hope it is not too late.
I spent some time with my best friend's boyfriend the other day, and I find him to be a nice boy. Children like him, and except for the occasional temper he could be a nice gentlemen. He is responsible at work, driving miles and miles on the lorry for his boss. He is also a fine pool player. He is a good person. If we had give him, Indians, or blacks around the world, more opportunities, just ponder their potential contribution to society. What goes around, would always come around.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Street Fighter: Legend Of Chun Li... When will they do a Morrigan Aensland movie next?....
When I was a teenager and struggling to fit in, one of the stuff I picked up to be one of the ‘boys’ was video arcade games. I played a lot of these arcade games because in a small town like Ipoh, there were not many entertaining things to do to get around. I played many, but two games which I eventually mastered, was Vampire Hunter and Street Fighter (Street Fighter II: The World Warrior, Street Fighter II: The New Challengers).
I was so good at it I gave the boys a torrid time. I practically was a master in the use of Vampire Hunter’s Morrigan Aensland, knowing how to execute all of her special powers, and also a fan of this character being close to the woman I hope to be one day, in my fantasies of course. But Street Fighter was also an appeal to me because of its storyline with cool graphics, and I managed to specialize in characters like Ken, Ryu and Blanka.
I watched three movies that spurned out of it; one was the totally comedic Hong Kong movie Future Cops, and the Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicle Street Fighter. I was totally disappointment with both, as I feel it does not do justice to the legend Street Fighter is and what it stands for in the heart of the arcade generation. The best representation of the arcade game was in the end Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie, which was awesome.
So when I heard some news today, I felt mixed emotions within me. I went, what the…!!!
Street Fighter: Legend Of Chun-Li!
Who is going to play Chun Li? It was supposedly Jessica Alba / Keira Knightley, but both turned down the ‘golden’ chance. It looks like Clark Kent’s love interest in ‘Smallville’ is the girl!
‘Street Fighter’ Has It’s Chun Li
Kristin Kreuk is Chun-Li in Street Fighter!
Street Fighter's Chun-Li Is Smallville star Kristin Kreuk
What have they done now! Kristin Kreuk as Chun Li? If she goes against Morrigan Aensland, I will give my cash that Morrigan would win without lifting a skirt, or a sweat.
I was so good at it I gave the boys a torrid time. I practically was a master in the use of Vampire Hunter’s Morrigan Aensland, knowing how to execute all of her special powers, and also a fan of this character being close to the woman I hope to be one day, in my fantasies of course. But Street Fighter was also an appeal to me because of its storyline with cool graphics, and I managed to specialize in characters like Ken, Ryu and Blanka.
I watched three movies that spurned out of it; one was the totally comedic Hong Kong movie Future Cops, and the Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicle Street Fighter. I was totally disappointment with both, as I feel it does not do justice to the legend Street Fighter is and what it stands for in the heart of the arcade generation. The best representation of the arcade game was in the end Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie, which was awesome.
So when I heard some news today, I felt mixed emotions within me. I went, what the…!!!
Street Fighter: Legend Of Chun-Li!
Who is going to play Chun Li? It was supposedly Jessica Alba / Keira Knightley, but both turned down the ‘golden’ chance. It looks like Clark Kent’s love interest in ‘Smallville’ is the girl!
‘Street Fighter’ Has It’s Chun Li
Kristin Kreuk is Chun-Li in Street Fighter!
Street Fighter's Chun-Li Is Smallville star Kristin Kreuk
What have they done now! Kristin Kreuk as Chun Li? If she goes against Morrigan Aensland, I will give my cash that Morrigan would win without lifting a skirt, or a sweat.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Video: Are You A Boy Or A Girl?
Many thanks to Marti Abernathey for the discovery of this video.
This surely is one of the most touching videos I watched thus far this year. Hope you feel it too.
This surely is one of the most touching videos I watched thus far this year. Hope you feel it too.
Real Love Ministry's Edmund Smith brainwashing teenage girls at Christian camp.
I found a peculiar blog, its title curiously close to mine, and in it is a post about a teenage girl who attended Girls Christian Camp 2007. Below is her post in regards to a session under Real Love Ministry's Edmund Smith. Claptrap at it's best.
http://jojo789.blogspot.com/2007/12/continuation-of-girls-camp-2007.html
"Sunday, 16 December 2007
Continuation of girls camp 2007 --- Homosexuality and the Ex-gay Lifetstyle
I wanted to separate the posts because I think my previous post is too long. So anyway...
I also joined the workshop “The Heart of Worship” by Pastor Ng Wah Lok and “What do you do when no one is watching” by Pastor Edmund Smith. The heart of worship workshop was really interesting. Pastor Ng Wah Lok taught about how to plan songs for worship. Pastor Edmund Smith’s topic was a little bit shocking at 1st. It was Homosexuality and the Ex-Gay Lifestyle. I really didn’t expect it. And actually I didn’t choose it. I chose The heart of worship. But Pastor Ng can only come on the 1st day, and Pastor Edmund can only come on the 2nd and 3rd day, so both workshops were joined. And I’ve learnt a lot from Pastor Edmund Smith about gays and he has really changed my perspective of gays.
If you've read my post entitled "What would YOU do?", I had this thinking that gays are born like that. I had this perspective that gays cannot be changed. But through the workshop, I've learnt that there are people who were gay and now they're not. For example, Pastor Edmund Smith himself was gay. He had 3 elder brothers. So when his mother was pregnant with him, his parents expected him to be a girl. But when he was born a boy, his parents rejected him, especially his father. He told us that his mother rejected him at 1st but then later accepted him. But for the 1st 5 years of his life, his mother treated him like a girl and later treated him like a boy. So he was very confused about his gender. He told us he hated being a guy. He wanted so badly to be a girl. And he lead a gay lifestyle for almost 11 years. He later stopped being gay because he said he suffered and was depressed during the 11 years he was leading the gay lifestyle. But of course he said it was not easy to change from being gay to straight. But he said soon after he left the gay lifestyle, he found Jesus. And his life changed from there. And oh yea, he's married by the way. Blessed with 2 kids. =)
He taught us a lot of terms and also shared with us the issues that could lead to a person being gay. First he taught us about 2 stances : the pro-gay and ex-gay stance.
Ex-gay stance = promotes ex-gay lifestyle and discourages gay lifestyle
Pro-gay stance = promotes and encourages gay lifestyle
Then he taught us some terms :
gay = (for male and female) others drawn to a person of the same sex in a way of romance and sex
lesbian = specifically for female homosexuals
Gay friendly = to be friendly to gays, but hold the ex-gay stance. Aka do not hurt or reject gays, but be friendly to them and at the same time do not encourage their gay lifestyle/do not encourage them being gay.
anti gay/homophobic = afraid of gays/hate gays. opposite of gay friendly
hermaphrodite = one who is born with both genitals.(not necessarily gay)(due to genetics)
Transgender= transfer of gender. one who has a Gender Identity Disorder. a female who wants to be a male and vice versa.
Transsexual = transgender who go for sex change operation
Transvestite = transfer of vest (clothes). a male who dresses like a female (or vice versa) mostly for fun/ performance.
Androgynous = one who appears in the middle. Eg, a person looks a little like a man but at a certain angle looks like a woman.(not due to genetics)
homophyllic = one who loves others of the same sex but has nothing to do with sex or romance.
Deep Platonic Relationship = relationship whereby a person loves another of the same sex deeply without involving sex or romance.
pedophile = adult who is drawn to children in a way of sex/romance.
metro sexual = a man who is in touch with his feminine side.(eg man who cook, do facial, do sewing, cry, etc) it is usually a term for men and it is perfectly normal.
fetrosexual = same as metro sexual but this term is used for girls (eg, girls who are strong, who love to play football/rugby etc etc
butch = a girl who wants to be a guy. they will bind their breasts, cut their hair short, act like a guy etc
The issues that could most probably lead to homosexuality :
SELF ISSUE
This issue is the rejection in the area of gender or appearance. Eg, a person who hates his/her own gender. In the area of appearance means that a person who hates the way he/she looks like. Eg, a person who feels that he/she is ugly or fat etc. Pastor Edmund was saying that don't ever hate yourself. Thank God for making you a girl/guy. Never say that you wish were the opposite gender. It really woke me up because there were times where I hated being a girl (it was not serious/severe). But yea, his words made me thank God everyday that I am a girl. I am who He made me to be.
And also Pastor Edmund said, don't complain you're ugly, but rather remember that you are beautiful in God's eyes, and that's all that matters. God made all of us beautiful, so don't ever say or complain that you're ugly. He also said don't complain about being fat. But instead, exercise, eat well and rest well. (A big bang to my head for that. LOL)
VACUUM ISSUE
This issue is basically about the absence of love of a parent/relative of the same gender. For example, Pastor Edmund did not have love from his father. His father was there physically but he didn't love Pastor Edmund. So Pastor Edmund was looking and wanting love from a person of the same gender.
Pastor Edmund said that many people always look for Mr/ Miss Right. And he was stressing that there is no such thing as Mr/ Miss Right, because no one is perfect. And he also said that no one completes us. He said for example, his wife does not complete him, but compliments him.
During one of the night sessions (not connected to this workshop), Pastor Eric Lau came to speak and he quote a saying from Pascal : "In the hearts of every men and women there is a God shaped vacuum that can only be filled by God the creator through Jesus Christ". This is so true.
BARRIER ISSUE
This issue is where a person is unable to be romantically involved with another of the opposite sex because the person has been abused verbally or sexually. For example, a girl may have been molested or raped. She will look at men as monsters and she won't be comfortable being romantically involved with a man. If this issue is not resolved (through counselling), she will stick to girls and this can lead to lesbianism.
*phew* So yea, he was telling us that gays are not born. God doesn't make gays. A person becomes gay mostly because he/she has not resolve either one, two, or all of these 3 issues. A person can also become gay because of influence from the world. He also taught about Deep Platonic Relationship. It is normal and possible, to love a person of the same sex deeply without involving romance/sexuality. So yea, don't get confused between admiration/ deep platonic relationship and love for the same sex in terms of romance.
He also taught us to be gay friendly but to stay strong to the ex-gay stance. We can be friendly to gays but it doesn't mean that we encourage that person being a gay/ leading a gay lifestyle. He also taught us not to reject gays or to mock gays.
Anyway, to learn more about Pastor Edmund's work (it's called the Real Love Ministry) , check out his website www.r-l-m.com
You can also check out this website www.exodus.to
I really found this workshop and the things Pastor Edmund taught very useful. I think now that gays and their lifestyle are beginning to be such a norm, these notes are very useful as awareness to the public. And also hope that a gay can be changed. Though it is not easy and it also depends on whether that person is willing or not. But yea, it is an interesting topic, and an important one too.
Hope you'll find this post useful. Do comment and give your opinions."
Yuki's thoughts: I usually would comment on these kind of posts, but in my heart, it just goes, why bother. I am concerned though in the things Edmund Smith do in so called 'love' here like:
- Brainwashing of young teenagers about lesbians, gays and transsexuals.
- Imposing his own personal life upon people as if everyone is like him.
- Wrong terminologies again, I wonder why Edmund is so stubborn in still presenting transsexuals as people who had their sex change? And transgenders are transsexuals?
- Insisting gays can change, even though it has already been proven otherwise.
- Did not mention anything about APA's position about homosexuality.
- Still presenting 'pro-gays' as influencers of a perpetuated 'gay lifestyle'.
- Self made junk science of 'causes' of homosexuality.
The list is endless.
People should start to question the authority of Edmund Smith, who definitely is miles away from even the will of God with his near demonic lies, from preaching about a topic that he himself knows nothing about or even understand in himself.
It annoys me that Edmund is still deriving terms that are not of science or medical field, but created from his 'experience' (which he thinks gives him the right to change scientific terminologies.). Luckily though, with his recycled 'truths', he is getting staley stagnant. He can never say he is not anti-gay anymore.
http://jojo789.blogspot.com/2007/12/continuation-of-girls-camp-2007.html
"Sunday, 16 December 2007
Continuation of girls camp 2007 --- Homosexuality and the Ex-gay Lifetstyle
I wanted to separate the posts because I think my previous post is too long. So anyway...
I also joined the workshop “The Heart of Worship” by Pastor Ng Wah Lok and “What do you do when no one is watching” by Pastor Edmund Smith. The heart of worship workshop was really interesting. Pastor Ng Wah Lok taught about how to plan songs for worship. Pastor Edmund Smith’s topic was a little bit shocking at 1st. It was Homosexuality and the Ex-Gay Lifestyle. I really didn’t expect it. And actually I didn’t choose it. I chose The heart of worship. But Pastor Ng can only come on the 1st day, and Pastor Edmund can only come on the 2nd and 3rd day, so both workshops were joined. And I’ve learnt a lot from Pastor Edmund Smith about gays and he has really changed my perspective of gays.
If you've read my post entitled "What would YOU do?", I had this thinking that gays are born like that. I had this perspective that gays cannot be changed. But through the workshop, I've learnt that there are people who were gay and now they're not. For example, Pastor Edmund Smith himself was gay. He had 3 elder brothers. So when his mother was pregnant with him, his parents expected him to be a girl. But when he was born a boy, his parents rejected him, especially his father. He told us that his mother rejected him at 1st but then later accepted him. But for the 1st 5 years of his life, his mother treated him like a girl and later treated him like a boy. So he was very confused about his gender. He told us he hated being a guy. He wanted so badly to be a girl. And he lead a gay lifestyle for almost 11 years. He later stopped being gay because he said he suffered and was depressed during the 11 years he was leading the gay lifestyle. But of course he said it was not easy to change from being gay to straight. But he said soon after he left the gay lifestyle, he found Jesus. And his life changed from there. And oh yea, he's married by the way. Blessed with 2 kids. =)
He taught us a lot of terms and also shared with us the issues that could lead to a person being gay. First he taught us about 2 stances : the pro-gay and ex-gay stance.
Ex-gay stance = promotes ex-gay lifestyle and discourages gay lifestyle
Pro-gay stance = promotes and encourages gay lifestyle
Then he taught us some terms :
gay = (for male and female) others drawn to a person of the same sex in a way of romance and sex
lesbian = specifically for female homosexuals
Gay friendly = to be friendly to gays, but hold the ex-gay stance. Aka do not hurt or reject gays, but be friendly to them and at the same time do not encourage their gay lifestyle/do not encourage them being gay.
anti gay/homophobic = afraid of gays/hate gays. opposite of gay friendly
hermaphrodite = one who is born with both genitals.(not necessarily gay)(due to genetics)
Transgender= transfer of gender. one who has a Gender Identity Disorder. a female who wants to be a male and vice versa.
Transsexual = transgender who go for sex change operation
Transvestite = transfer of vest (clothes). a male who dresses like a female (or vice versa) mostly for fun/ performance.
Androgynous = one who appears in the middle. Eg, a person looks a little like a man but at a certain angle looks like a woman.(not due to genetics)
homophyllic = one who loves others of the same sex but has nothing to do with sex or romance.
Deep Platonic Relationship = relationship whereby a person loves another of the same sex deeply without involving sex or romance.
pedophile = adult who is drawn to children in a way of sex/romance.
metro sexual = a man who is in touch with his feminine side.(eg man who cook, do facial, do sewing, cry, etc) it is usually a term for men and it is perfectly normal.
fetrosexual = same as metro sexual but this term is used for girls (eg, girls who are strong, who love to play football/rugby etc etc
butch = a girl who wants to be a guy. they will bind their breasts, cut their hair short, act like a guy etc
The issues that could most probably lead to homosexuality :
SELF ISSUE
This issue is the rejection in the area of gender or appearance. Eg, a person who hates his/her own gender. In the area of appearance means that a person who hates the way he/she looks like. Eg, a person who feels that he/she is ugly or fat etc. Pastor Edmund was saying that don't ever hate yourself. Thank God for making you a girl/guy. Never say that you wish were the opposite gender. It really woke me up because there were times where I hated being a girl (it was not serious/severe). But yea, his words made me thank God everyday that I am a girl. I am who He made me to be.
And also Pastor Edmund said, don't complain you're ugly, but rather remember that you are beautiful in God's eyes, and that's all that matters. God made all of us beautiful, so don't ever say or complain that you're ugly. He also said don't complain about being fat. But instead, exercise, eat well and rest well. (A big bang to my head for that. LOL)
VACUUM ISSUE
This issue is basically about the absence of love of a parent/relative of the same gender. For example, Pastor Edmund did not have love from his father. His father was there physically but he didn't love Pastor Edmund. So Pastor Edmund was looking and wanting love from a person of the same gender.
Pastor Edmund said that many people always look for Mr/ Miss Right. And he was stressing that there is no such thing as Mr/ Miss Right, because no one is perfect. And he also said that no one completes us. He said for example, his wife does not complete him, but compliments him.
During one of the night sessions (not connected to this workshop), Pastor Eric Lau came to speak and he quote a saying from Pascal : "In the hearts of every men and women there is a God shaped vacuum that can only be filled by God the creator through Jesus Christ". This is so true.
BARRIER ISSUE
This issue is where a person is unable to be romantically involved with another of the opposite sex because the person has been abused verbally or sexually. For example, a girl may have been molested or raped. She will look at men as monsters and she won't be comfortable being romantically involved with a man. If this issue is not resolved (through counselling), she will stick to girls and this can lead to lesbianism.
*phew* So yea, he was telling us that gays are not born. God doesn't make gays. A person becomes gay mostly because he/she has not resolve either one, two, or all of these 3 issues. A person can also become gay because of influence from the world. He also taught about Deep Platonic Relationship. It is normal and possible, to love a person of the same sex deeply without involving romance/sexuality. So yea, don't get confused between admiration/ deep platonic relationship and love for the same sex in terms of romance.
He also taught us to be gay friendly but to stay strong to the ex-gay stance. We can be friendly to gays but it doesn't mean that we encourage that person being a gay/ leading a gay lifestyle. He also taught us not to reject gays or to mock gays.
Anyway, to learn more about Pastor Edmund's work (it's called the Real Love Ministry) , check out his website www.r-l-m.com
You can also check out this website www.exodus.to
I really found this workshop and the things Pastor Edmund taught very useful. I think now that gays and their lifestyle are beginning to be such a norm, these notes are very useful as awareness to the public. And also hope that a gay can be changed. Though it is not easy and it also depends on whether that person is willing or not. But yea, it is an interesting topic, and an important one too.
Hope you'll find this post useful. Do comment and give your opinions."
Yuki's thoughts: I usually would comment on these kind of posts, but in my heart, it just goes, why bother. I am concerned though in the things Edmund Smith do in so called 'love' here like:
- Brainwashing of young teenagers about lesbians, gays and transsexuals.
- Imposing his own personal life upon people as if everyone is like him.
- Wrong terminologies again, I wonder why Edmund is so stubborn in still presenting transsexuals as people who had their sex change? And transgenders are transsexuals?
- Insisting gays can change, even though it has already been proven otherwise.
- Did not mention anything about APA's position about homosexuality.
- Still presenting 'pro-gays' as influencers of a perpetuated 'gay lifestyle'.
- Self made junk science of 'causes' of homosexuality.
The list is endless.
People should start to question the authority of Edmund Smith, who definitely is miles away from even the will of God with his near demonic lies, from preaching about a topic that he himself knows nothing about or even understand in himself.
It annoys me that Edmund is still deriving terms that are not of science or medical field, but created from his 'experience' (which he thinks gives him the right to change scientific terminologies.). Luckily though, with his recycled 'truths', he is getting staley stagnant. He can never say he is not anti-gay anymore.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Yuki's Funnies: Jeff Dunham with Achmed The Dead Terrorist.
One of the funniest videos I have seen for a long time. It is so funny, many had sent it to me. So probably some of you had watched it. But in case you missed it, here is your chance to redeem yourself. I present to you, with Jeff Dunham, Achmed The Dead Terrorist. Enjoy and take care.
Journey To Thailand (Conclusion: The Journey Home).
I woke up to the reality that it was the day to get home. I took a short bath and went downstairs for my breakfast. Looking at the menu, it was an easy selection. Go for the Thai meal, it could be years before I may enjoy this again. It was an enjoyable meal, while watching the ‘US Democratic Debate’ on CNN in the hotel lounge. I rushed back to my room, packed up my stuff and checked out of the Wall Street Inn. Prayerfully, I am on my way.
I left an IM message for my boyfriend for help, and with some of the money I had left on me I bought an IDD card. That was it, it was my last chance. I called back frantically to the Maybank centre in Kuala Lumpur, asking them for ways to activate my ATM card. No wonder it was useless here in Thailand. I did not activate the option for overseas withdrawals. I quickly gave my details, and within 40 minutes, my card was active again.
It is now almost noon, and now I got to rush back to the airport. I cannot miss the next flight back to Malaysia. Withdrawing the cash I needed, I jumped into a taxi with yet another non-English speaking driver. Drats! Really. Does anyone speak English around here? I had to do self made sign languages depicting an airplane and use the word Suvarnabhumi to get the driver to understand me, and luckily he goes ‘Oh ya ya!’ ‘A-pot!’. Gosh!
A short trip later, I alighted the taxi and my heart goes, yes! I am back at the Suvarnabhumi Airport! The next step of course is to get a ticket. So which flight shall I take? The logical choice would be the earliest flight, and that was under the Malaysian Airline System. But I am tempted to try Thai Airways. But that would be too late for me, and I just cannot wait to go back. So gleefully, I bought the earliest ticket and checked in for my flight home.
Sitting within the gateway for my flight, I still am at awe of what I had encountered in Thailand. Most of the public toilets, even ones in restaurants, have just bowls without flush tanks. But the washrooms there are so clean, even with the trouble of people flushing it manually. The town of Chonburi and Bangkok city are incredibly clean with hardly a single rubbish to be seen. Even the food tastes healthy. How I wish my own country was like that.
Ok I admit. On the plane, after saying goodbye to Thailand, I am actually starting to miss it. The friendliness, the culture, the nightlife, I am even inspired to learn the Thai language. Thailand is really nothing like Malaysia. Of course all countries would have their pros and cons in living, but I do know I am truly leaving a mystical Asian land, and that someday I am going to return there. But till then; Malaysia, I am coming back.
From a beautiful place to another beautiful land, as the plane lands at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport, there is a surreal feeling that surrounds me. Firstly would be the thought, am I really home after the fright of the night before? Another, the sudden English and Malay conversations people were having. Then of course, I just came back from another country, it really feels like a fantasy, even though it happened just last night.
I withdrawn some money my boy eventually sent me, and I went to the Satellite A duty free shops and bought two cartons of Virginia Slims Lights as the fat lady sings. Then, the trip home on yet another tonto taxi. Great reminder of my adventures. Later that night, I reminiscence my little journey to big Thailand and discuss it with my friends near my apartment. There is no place like home. But for what it is worth, it had been a fabulous journey.
I left an IM message for my boyfriend for help, and with some of the money I had left on me I bought an IDD card. That was it, it was my last chance. I called back frantically to the Maybank centre in Kuala Lumpur, asking them for ways to activate my ATM card. No wonder it was useless here in Thailand. I did not activate the option for overseas withdrawals. I quickly gave my details, and within 40 minutes, my card was active again.
It is now almost noon, and now I got to rush back to the airport. I cannot miss the next flight back to Malaysia. Withdrawing the cash I needed, I jumped into a taxi with yet another non-English speaking driver. Drats! Really. Does anyone speak English around here? I had to do self made sign languages depicting an airplane and use the word Suvarnabhumi to get the driver to understand me, and luckily he goes ‘Oh ya ya!’ ‘A-pot!’. Gosh!
A short trip later, I alighted the taxi and my heart goes, yes! I am back at the Suvarnabhumi Airport! The next step of course is to get a ticket. So which flight shall I take? The logical choice would be the earliest flight, and that was under the Malaysian Airline System. But I am tempted to try Thai Airways. But that would be too late for me, and I just cannot wait to go back. So gleefully, I bought the earliest ticket and checked in for my flight home.
Sitting within the gateway for my flight, I still am at awe of what I had encountered in Thailand. Most of the public toilets, even ones in restaurants, have just bowls without flush tanks. But the washrooms there are so clean, even with the trouble of people flushing it manually. The town of Chonburi and Bangkok city are incredibly clean with hardly a single rubbish to be seen. Even the food tastes healthy. How I wish my own country was like that.
Ok I admit. On the plane, after saying goodbye to Thailand, I am actually starting to miss it. The friendliness, the culture, the nightlife, I am even inspired to learn the Thai language. Thailand is really nothing like Malaysia. Of course all countries would have their pros and cons in living, but I do know I am truly leaving a mystical Asian land, and that someday I am going to return there. But till then; Malaysia, I am coming back.
From a beautiful place to another beautiful land, as the plane lands at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport, there is a surreal feeling that surrounds me. Firstly would be the thought, am I really home after the fright of the night before? Another, the sudden English and Malay conversations people were having. Then of course, I just came back from another country, it really feels like a fantasy, even though it happened just last night.
I withdrawn some money my boy eventually sent me, and I went to the Satellite A duty free shops and bought two cartons of Virginia Slims Lights as the fat lady sings. Then, the trip home on yet another tonto taxi. Great reminder of my adventures. Later that night, I reminiscence my little journey to big Thailand and discuss it with my friends near my apartment. There is no place like home. But for what it is worth, it had been a fabulous journey.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Australia's first openly lesbian minister... and she is from Malaysia....
From The Star newspaper, Malaysia:
Malaysian-born Penny now Aussie minister
By MUGUNTAN VANAR
KOTA KINABALU: The father of Malaysian-born Penny Wong Ying Yen who has been appointed as a Cabinet minister in Australia is thrilled with his daughter’s political success.
“I am very happy. I hope her appointment will be a blessing for Australia,” said Francis Wong Yit Shing, 66, an architect here.
The 39-year-old Penny, who was born in Sabah but grew up in Australia from the age of eight with her mother, was yesterday named Climate Change and Water Minister by Prime Minister Kevin Rudd whose Labor party won the recent elections.
Penny Wong Yin Yeng
Francis, who described his daughter as a go-getter, said that the portfolio given to his daughter was very “current and important” not only for Australians but for everyone concerned about global warming and climate change.
“I know she is a very responsible person and she will work hard to achieve her objectives,” said Francis, who keeps in touch with his daughter through SMS.
He said he never expected her to become a politician.
“I wanted her to be a doctor and she enrolled for it. A year later she switched to law after going on a student exchange programme to Brazil where she saw the need to help people,” said Francis.
Proud as punch: Francis and Penny keep in touch via SMS and mostly talk about family matters.
On completing her studies, she became involved in unions and industrial court cases in Australia.
Penny became the first Asian-born woman Senator when she won a seat in South Australia in 2002.
Last week’s Australian elections saw her winning a second term with her party toppling John Howard’s government.
Asked if he had ever given his daughter any political advice, Francis said the politics that he knew about was only that of South-East Asia.
“We mostly talk family matters.”
Francis said Penny and her mother left Sabah for Australia in 1977 for Penny’s education while he remained in the state.
Over time, he and his wife separated and Penny took up Australian citizenship.
(Of course, Malaysia being Malaysia, they would definitely delete primary and important facts from their media reporting. But the rest of the world knows, and the LGT community is proud to herald the first openly lesbian minister in Australia. And in Australia under Kevin Rudd, we are happy to announce it:)
Ladies Lead PM Rudd's Top Team
"Ms Wong a South Australian senator, will be Australia's first openly lesbian minister."
More links on Penny Wong below. If Malaysia is not fully proud of you, we are!
Fridae
Sydney Morning Herald
PinkNews
Yuki thoughts: I just find it amazing, my home country can be so prideful about having an ex Malaysian making it so big outside the country, but did not question why this rising star of world politics is not plying her trade here and conveniently help closet her true sexual orientation from fellow Malaysians. What the... (sigh)
(This story is so interesting, in addition relates to my position as a Malaysian in Australia; so I posted it in both here and 'reflectionsasia'. Feel free to comment.)
Malaysian-born Penny now Aussie minister
By MUGUNTAN VANAR
KOTA KINABALU: The father of Malaysian-born Penny Wong Ying Yen who has been appointed as a Cabinet minister in Australia is thrilled with his daughter’s political success.
“I am very happy. I hope her appointment will be a blessing for Australia,” said Francis Wong Yit Shing, 66, an architect here.
The 39-year-old Penny, who was born in Sabah but grew up in Australia from the age of eight with her mother, was yesterday named Climate Change and Water Minister by Prime Minister Kevin Rudd whose Labor party won the recent elections.
Penny Wong Yin Yeng
Francis, who described his daughter as a go-getter, said that the portfolio given to his daughter was very “current and important” not only for Australians but for everyone concerned about global warming and climate change.
“I know she is a very responsible person and she will work hard to achieve her objectives,” said Francis, who keeps in touch with his daughter through SMS.
He said he never expected her to become a politician.
“I wanted her to be a doctor and she enrolled for it. A year later she switched to law after going on a student exchange programme to Brazil where she saw the need to help people,” said Francis.
Proud as punch: Francis and Penny keep in touch via SMS and mostly talk about family matters.
On completing her studies, she became involved in unions and industrial court cases in Australia.
Penny became the first Asian-born woman Senator when she won a seat in South Australia in 2002.
Last week’s Australian elections saw her winning a second term with her party toppling John Howard’s government.
Asked if he had ever given his daughter any political advice, Francis said the politics that he knew about was only that of South-East Asia.
“We mostly talk family matters.”
Francis said Penny and her mother left Sabah for Australia in 1977 for Penny’s education while he remained in the state.
Over time, he and his wife separated and Penny took up Australian citizenship.
(Of course, Malaysia being Malaysia, they would definitely delete primary and important facts from their media reporting. But the rest of the world knows, and the LGT community is proud to herald the first openly lesbian minister in Australia. And in Australia under Kevin Rudd, we are happy to announce it:)
Ladies Lead PM Rudd's Top Team
"Ms Wong a South Australian senator, will be Australia's first openly lesbian minister."
More links on Penny Wong below. If Malaysia is not fully proud of you, we are!
Fridae
Sydney Morning Herald
PinkNews
Yuki thoughts: I just find it amazing, my home country can be so prideful about having an ex Malaysian making it so big outside the country, but did not question why this rising star of world politics is not plying her trade here and conveniently help closet her true sexual orientation from fellow Malaysians. What the... (sigh)
(This story is so interesting, in addition relates to my position as a Malaysian in Australia; so I posted it in both here and 'reflectionsasia'. Feel free to comment.)
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