I find all these very silly indeed. I had a chat with my friend recently about her and we both agree, we should stop making assumptions and just listen to what she had to say. And she finally uttered this sentence, “By the time I was 15 I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back”. This sentence seemed to be virtually ignored by every person reading her story. In fact, many quarters still wishes to define her for herself when she is already in control of her life. In fact, everyone is trying to act like they know her, still repeating the really annoying dogma of “Blame the father!”.
She was 15 when she decided to take control of her life. I wish I had the courage and determination to do so at that age. When I was her age, until a few years back I was still being controlled by people; parents, church members, friends, teachers and boyfriends/girlfriends. They imposed what they believed was for the good of me when it made me a severely confused girl who is trying to be a boy to please everyone. Whatever I do was taken under scrutiny. In the process, I lost the soul of what makes me, me. I became the parody of each and everyone's definition of the surname “Choe”.
If I had chose to stop listening too much to people at that age, and start to question and think for myself, I would have a hard a life as a transsexual female at a very young age. But at least I know I would be happy. But knowing that at 30 plus I am finally in control of my life makes me realise it is not too late. And of course, there are the usual ridiculous assumptions of what made me “become” this way; “Must be the mother”, “She had been sexually abused”, “The last girlfriend must have hurt this person so badly”, and a host of other fallacy of ambiguities. All post hoc, ergo propter hoc.
I took control of my life as Sufiah Yusuf did. I wish I had the maturity to do so at her age. But at least I am on my way. Sufiah Yusuf is now happy in her career and we all should just leave her alone. We talk so much about “blame the father”, but are we not doing the same things the father did? The father pressured her when she was too young to be a math prodigy, did we not say that? And look what we are doing now. We are pressuring her to “repent” and we made out her story like a personal disaster movie; but she already stated that she is happy her life had turned out this way.
And what is wrong with being a escort? The calls of “sin” again? Are we not sinful too? And I sincerely ask every women reading my humble blog here this question. Since most of us Malaysia women would also have our chance encounters with men until we slept with them for the night, which is better, to give men sex for free or to give men sex for money? This is a controversial subject, but just think. How many one night stands had some of us women had with just a “mamak” supper to show for. If we call her a “hooker” for earning her kind of money, what about us then?
Let us all just respect her for her decision. Who are we to judge her? Are we giving her money to use in United Kingdom? Are we feeding her or clothing her? For goodness sake, she is taking care of her own life. It is time we should leave her alone. We would bear consequences of our own fallen nature, and similarly would not like to be judged in the same manner. And she is smart enough to know she cannot be in this field of work forever. And we cannot live forever without taking care of ourselves too. It is insane trying to control or define Sufiah Yusuf when we do not even know her.
It is time for us to stop condemning or pitying or judging her. It is time for us to start listening to her, because she is happy in her life. We would be ultra shallow to resort to condescending remarks about her when we have our own problem and our lives to live. How would we feel if we were to be under the same scrutiny and being defined by everyone around us? We surely would not like that. To Sufiah Yusuf, I give you my sincere high 5 . You are a very brave young woman. Even though everyone thinks you are crazy, you are an inspiration to me. Take care, all the best for the future.
Selective wit and wisdom of Sufiah Yusuf (Shilpa Lee):
"People think escorting is sleazy and terrible but I don’t see it like that,”
"I hate this stereotype society has of escorts as being exploited. It is so far from the truth. My clients treat me like a princess. One guy took me shopping on Bond Street. He bought me a beautiful black Gucci dress for £300 (RM1,920) and then took me to Selfridges, where I could pick a handbag I liked.”
"As I grew older, I began to clash with my father. He was violent at times. He pushed me so far academically, I became more confident for any girl my age. I grew up too quickly.”
"Oxford was an amazing place but I was too young. By the time I was 15, I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back,”
"I have never felt so confident about my body and I’ve had some of the best sex of my life”