Wednesday, August 1, 2007

The Expectations.

As a black woman, I can tell you often there are some white people who have
certain expectations of how I’m going to act, speak, express myself. They are
already uncomfortable, and sometimes hostile, before I utter a word or have an
opportunity to present the ‘real me’. - Regan DuCasse (
I read this recent statement with much interest and thoughts running through my head.

People always have expectations when it comes to LGTs. In fact, there seems to be one rule for homosexuals, blacks, in any race, culture and social environment, and another for the rest of the world. The weight of it seems more when you are considered the abnormal among the abnormals, being transsexuals.

Most everyday of our lives, transsexuals like me are assumed to be full time sex-workers by the lot of society here in Malaysia. If not, we are stereotyped by the general public to end up working just as sales assistants in fashion outlets or in hypermarts. We are even ear marked to be making a living in a bar or a pub somewhere entertaining men in Asia. To society's norm, we are a cursed bunch of people destined to die alone, or worse, die of AIDS.

It was somewhat degrading to have an ex-boss like the one I had. I wonder if he realised he is hurting me. We are still good friends, but I do not take kindly to the jokes he made about me; like how if I am not careful, I am going to end up a hooker on the streets, or claims that I am confused fellow, or take anything I say as an excuse or a complaint when I am only sharing. There is already a mindset by him, or anyone else for that matter, about what kind of person I am, before even knowing me as a person. My life tiresomely starts with expectations, and ends with expectations.

People expect me to be a third class citizen, so became surprised at my knowledge on social issues. When they realised I have a car, they treat me as an upmarket transsexual and curiously expect to own me by their bedside. Others expect to bring me down and push me back to remain a third class citizen, and there are even some poorer folks like a part of the Indian community here that scratched and damaged my car, just because they cannot accept that I can own one and they cannot afford to. These poorer side of society expect that I should be in a lower caste than them.

Now that I am living closer and closer to the poverty line, desperately trying to rise up again; people refuse to give me job opportunities, because they expect people like me cannot do work well, and also expect that we would make customers stay away rather than draw them. Some companies expect we would steal. Even looking to rent a cheaper room to stay is difficult. Some landlords who are men expect me to offer sex, and some of the women landlords expect me to be a pervert.

Whenever I go to a restaurant or eatery place, people expect that I would not be able to pay for the bill. Most anyone expect it to be my fault whenever something bad happens, surprisingly sometimes what happened is none of my business. I had been expected by men to be an unlucky charm at casinos, but some men expect me to be the perfect companion for dinner appointments. Certainly there are no expectations when I watch a movie, but plenty of expectations when I go to the ladies.

Every hope for a relationship falls apart because the potential men in my life expect me to be a girl and when they realised I am not, they became past men in my life. Some men who knows I am a transsexual, expects me to be only looking for one night stands. They are expecting us to not be able to make a family because they will never expect us to raise a child normally, let alone we cannot be expecting babies. Some of my homosexual friends expect me to change to become a boy because they claimed I would be good looking and they would love to court me, some of my lesbian friends expect me to keep a distance because I am just not femme enough for them. What should I expect?

Wherever we go, whatever we do, transsexuals like me expect ourselves to be women and expect to be treated 100% as such, unfortunately even the most tolerant of society expect us to be a bunch of confused boys, and expect us to place special emphasis on our dressing, and to 'behave appropriately', that after they expect we would still be humans. Worse, the intolerant part of society expect us to be on the streets as show freaks or prostitutes real soon. Sad expectations, is it not?

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